


Are you happy?

by the_captain_of_the_ship



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Eventual Smut, F/M, Slow Burn, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Lust
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2018-11-14 05:29:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 34,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11201427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_captain_of_the_ship/pseuds/the_captain_of_the_ship
Summary: What if Rey is the one pursuing Kylo Ren?The build up is over, peoples.  The crescendo has arrived.  This is your warning that they're about to get it on!





	1. Are you happy? - Kylo

 

 

**Kylo**

_Are you happy?_

I hear her voice in my sleep.  I know she doesn’t need to ask.  She feels what I feel.  I know she is here with me, in my mind, in my dream.  She knows I’m unhappy.  She knows I’m standing on the walkway in the oscillator room, staring at the deep hole where my father fell after I killed him.  She knows, because she’s here, even if I can’t see her.

“Are you happy, Ben?” she asks.  I don’t feel her voice this time.  I hear it, like I heard her cry out when I thrust the light saber through my father’s chest. 

“That’s not my name,” I answer, without speaking.  I know she can hear my thoughts.

“I’m not calling you that,” she replies aloud.  Her voice is firm in her conviction.

I glance up at the observation deck overlooking the room, and I see her standing there.  The last remaining shred of light from the sun that is being consumed frames her beautiful face and slender body.  It doesn’t matter how many times I look up, there is always that ray of light surrounding her.

She looks different now.  Her hair is flowing loose around her shoulders, framing her pretty but intense features.  She doesn’t appear angry, but she also doesn’t smile.  Her light brown eyes are cold and hard, and her full lips are set in a firm line.  She’s dressed differently, but also somehow the same, in gray vest and arm wraps, and dark pants.  She looks healthier than she did before.  She’s put on a little weight, and she doesn’t appear as desperate and alone as she once was.  But she doesn’t seem to be any happier. 

I grind my teeth, and squint up my eyes.  I could demand that she call me by my true name, explain that I am no longer that person, but it would accomplish nothing.  I can’t use the Force to make her call me Kylo, not in a dream anyway. 

“Are you happy, Rey?” I counter. 

“I don’t remember happiness, Ben.  I don’t remember being a child.  All I remember is the cruelty of Unkar Plutt, and the sadness of a dismal desert planet.  But not you, Ben.  You were happy, once.”  Her voice is full of melancholy, and tinged with jealousy.

I turn away from her, and again stare down into the abyss where I lost my father.  No, I didn’t lose him.  I wasn’t careless.  I was malicious.  I murdered him. 

She’s wandered around inside my mind, even though I’ve tried to keep her from it.  While I’m awake I can protect my mind, I can put up walls to shield myself from her intrusion.  I try to stay awake, to keep her out, but I have to sleep eventually.  And when I do, she’s here. 

She’s seen my memories, of the carefree life of a loved and privileged childhood.  She’s seen the few trips I took with Han Solo, when I traveled to exotic worlds with my father and Chewbacca, carrying cargo for the Resistance.  She’s seen how the Wookie cared for me, better than any of the nannies who watched after me while my mother was busy leading her armies.  Chewy cared for me better than my own father, who was always busy _negotiating_ , as he called it.  What he was really doing was trying to talk his way out of yet another mess he’d created with his own underhandedness.

“I don’t miss what I never had,” she argues.  “But don’t you miss your mother, and your best friend?”

I look up when she says that, to find the Wookie she’s referring to as my best friend, aiming his blaster at me, readying to shoot.  In my dream, time has frozen in that moment, the moment after he fell, when I looked up into that viewing area and saw _the girl_ and _the traitor_ staring back at me.

“I don’t think he’d say he was my best friend after I killed my father, especially since he shot me after I did it,” I point out. 

I could enter her mind if I wanted to, to find out for myself if she’s telling the truth about never being happy.  But I don’t want to know.  I don’t care enough to know. I don’t.

“You can have that happiness again, Ben.  Every time Chewy looks at me, he thinks of you.”  Her voice is close now.  I turn toward it, and she’s standing not three feet from me, on the walkway where I…

“I’m never going back!” I growl, loudly.  “I killed my father.  My mother, Chewbacca, they’ll never forgive me,” I insist. 

“They might, if you ask them to,” she suggests.

I realize what I’ve said, and how it sounds.  My words make it sound like I miss them, and I want them to forgive me.  I don’t.  “Stop trying to bring me back to the light.  Even if I leave the First Order, it won’t save the Resistance.  Supreme Leader Snoke will still come after you.  He’ll hunt you all down, and…” 

She takes a step closer to me.  She’s not afraid of me, not inside my dream anyway.  “I’m not trying to save the Resistance, Ben.  I’m trying to save you.”  She extends her hand to touch my face, just as my father did when he took his last breath. 

“I don’t need to be saved!” I yell, and pull away from her touch.  I take a few steps back, and turn from her lovely gaze.  This is a _dream_ , and it’s my dream.  I don’t have to let her get any pleasure while she’s invading it.

“I want to see you again, in person.  I have to be near you again.  Please,” she murmurs, and moves closer toward me.

I smirk as she says it.  “Find where Skywalker has slunk away to, and I might allow it.” 

She looks conflicted.  I enjoy it.  I enjoy her confusion.  It makes me happy to see her trying to decide if spending an hour or so with me is worth turning over the Resistance to the First Order.  But she finally decides, and her expression shows her sadness, and her desperation.  “I can’t.  Please don’t ask that of me Ben.”

“You can’t because General Organa and Skywalker have sent you away.  They don’t want you, girl.  They threw you away, just like your parents did.  No one wants you.”  All the bitterness that I’ve gathered up throughout my life is laced in my words. 

She shrinks back from my angry statement, which now surrounds her like thick smoke.  “No,” she gasps.  Her eyes become softer, watery. 

Is she going to cry because of my outburst?  I hope she does.  I hope this forces her to stop trying to pursue me.

“You know it’s true,” I state, with a sneer.  “You know as soon as they found out that our bond was leading the First Order to their locations around the galaxy, they realized you were expendable.”

She exhales loudly, as if she’s been wounded.  “Please stop,” she begs.

“Then stay out of my head!” I scream loudly.  Suddenly, she disappears.

 *****

 I awake with a start.  I’m in my cold, austere room on the _Finalizer_.  The wounds still hurt, the ones she inflicted on me in the woods of Starkiller Base.  That was two weeks ago.  The flesh has healed, although scarred, but the pain remains.  I trace the scar with my finger slowly, across my forehead, over my nose, and down my cheek, all the while thinking of her.  She looked absolutely terrifying while she stood over me, holding my grandfather’s light saber as if she’d been born to wield it. 

But what I’ve experienced since that day is even scarier.  She has free reign inside my mind, and not just while I’m asleep.  I try to put up walls, and she goes around them.  I’d entered her mind to get information on the map to Skywalker, but she bonded her thoughts with mine in a way that I can’t explain.  I can’t concentrate on anything while she’s here, fighting for entrance, begging for attention. 

I go through my morning ritual of cleansing and dressing as I ponder _the girl’s_ motivations.  Even though she knows keeping her mind open to me draws me to her light like a homing beacon, she can’t stop.  She won’t stop.  Even after she realized that she was drawing the First Order to her location by leaving her mind open, she couldn’t quit.  She just keeps trying, to get information about where I am, where the _Finalizer_ will be.  She thinks that if she keeps digging, she will get information from me that will help the Resistance.  But what she doesn’t understand is that the Resistance can’t move against the First Order, and especially not against my own ship.  They are lucky to stay one step away from us. 

As I leave my room and walk toward the mess hall, my comm link alerts.  I have not had a full nights’ sleep for days.  It is well before 0600 hours.  I am not ready for General Hux’s incessant demands.  _Kriff!_   All I want is food and caffeine.

I touch the communicator, and bark into it.  “Yes?”

“Supreme Leader Snoke requests your presence,” Hux announces.  How did that moof milker even know that I am awake?  Does he have some kind of alarm that announces when the door to my room opens?

“I haven’t even had my caf yet,” I argue.  I immediately regret it.  No sleep makes me grumpy, but even so Hux will probably tell the Supreme Leader of my resistance.

_Kriff!_

“Now, Ren,” Hux counters.

“I’m on my way,” I reply.  This day _must_ get better.  It has to.


	2. Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's perspective

I nearly jump off the bed as I awake. How does he do it? How does he just wake up like that, ending our connection? Then as soon as he’s awake, he cuts the bond completely. How can he ignore me so easily? How can he dismiss what’s between us as if it means nothing? It’s been two weeks, and the feelings continue to grow inside me like a weed.

  
I feel like the Force is drawing me to him. When he tried to enter my mind on Starkiller Base, and I fought back by entering his mind instead, something happened between us. Some kind of bond, through the Force, was created. Now the Force is constantly trying to pull us together. Or at least that’s how I feel. I feel like I can’t fight it, I can’t deny it. I feel a need to be near him, and when I’m not there’s a part of me that actually aches.

  
But not Ben, he seems completely unaffected. The last time he found me, on Raydonia, I had intentionally flooded my mind with images of the Resistance, and opened my side of the bond as wide as I could. Chewy and I were simply delivering much needed supplies to the natives on the planet, using the Millennium Falcon, but Ben didn’t know that. I meditated for hours before my night’s rest, dwelling on my memories of General Organa, because those are all I have now. _Memories_. Ben was right, the Resistance general gave me the Millennium Falcon and asked me not to return.

  
So I simply set up a test, to try to prove the theory that I was pulling Ben to me. And before I woke up, of course, the _Finalizer_ showed up in orbit of the lush green planet. And before I could dress, Ben Solo was storming onto the Falcon, wearing his helmet and uniform, demanding to know where the general and her brother were hiding.

  
I wasn’t even dressed yet. The scratchy cotton sheet that covered me slowly inched down toward my waist and fell, exposing my small breasts to him. My shoulders shivered, and goose bumps covered my arms at the idea of him gazing upon my nude flesh. Did he want me the way I wanted him?

  
Chewy and I knew that we couldn’t keep Ben off the Falcon. He’d grown up on the ship, after all. So I instructed Chewy to stay in his quarters, and to not face down Ben. I couldn’t lose Chewy, after losing my other friends. I can’t be alone again. I simply cannot go back to that existence.

  
And to be honest with myself, I can’t lose the bond to Ben, either.

  
Ben stood staring at my partial nudity for several moments, before finding his tongue. When he did, his voice was lower and deeper than normal, even through the helmet. “What kind of trick are you playing, Scavenger?” I didn’t like him speaking to me through the voice modulator.

  
I didn’t like it that he didn’t remove his mask like he did on Starkiller Base. I wanted to see his face, his oddly handsome, almost sensitive looking face. His dark eyes haunt me, the way he gazed at me as if he could see into every dark corner of my mind while we were on the frozen planet. We saw into each other’s very souls, and it marked us both. I know it wasn’t only me.

  
“I wanted to see you again,” I admitted, unabashedly. “Tell me, Ben, do you feel it too?”

  
His eyes raked over me like a cold metal poker over hot coals. I knew it even though I couldn’t see it. He absorbed my sleep flushed skin, my wildly flowing hair, and my pale breasts which had never seen the sun of Jakku.

  
I felt his desire as he gazed at me. I felt his hands tremble. I felt the carnal longing flow through his body, and into the Force. He took a step toward me. He wanted to ravage me. And I, oh I wanted more than anything to be ravaged.

  
But instead, he took a step backward as he finally answered my question. “No,” he snarled. I couldn’t see his eyes, damn the mask. I couldn’t see if his lips trembled, or his dark eyes burned even brighter.

  
Then, he just stormed out of my room, and left the Falcon. Before I could get dressed, he was in his shuttle, the regal black one that looks like a bird of prey, and leaving the planet. I saw it as it flew away, and I felt like my heart was being crushed. Why must he leave me? Why doesn’t he feel the same longing to be near me that I feel?

  
But it felt incredible when he was here. I felt incredible. I felt that the Force practically sang around me at our proximity. I felt it flow around both of us. His darkness was a tangible object that I could feel almost as if it were a heavy blanket covering me with warmth.

  
I know I shouldn’t feel that way about the Dark Side. I know I shouldn’t be tempted. But it’s almost kriffing impossible when he’s so close, and he’s practically oozing it out of every pore. And thanks to the bond, he’s always that close. But he won’t let me in.

  
I continue to lay on my back in my tiny bed, as I think about him. I wonder how soft his thick, wavy hair will feel under my fingertips. I wonder how long it will take to trace the map of spots on his body. I wonder if I will find shapes, patterns, and constellations on his skin.

  
Will he have a scar on his beautiful face? Or will the First Order’s medical team have taken care of it, and made his skin as unblemished as before I slashed him with the light saber? Sure, I wanted to injure him, but only because he hurt my first real friend. Didn’t he see that I was just trying to protect Finn? Certainly he can’t still be angry at me for that.

  
I leave my side of the Force open as I think of him. The Millennium Falcon has been parked on Denon since yesterday. We delivered spring water to the growing population of the urban sprawl that covers practically the entire planet. If I’d known how much the company sells it for per bottle, I’d have charged them twice as much. I want Ben to come to me here, and we could explore the urban landscape. Humans dwell here, so we would not seem out of place. We could be two out of millions, holding hands and strolling along. We could visit a nice restaurant. We could stay in a hotel, with soft sheets and sweeping views of the beautiful city below us. We could…

  
I feel my hands wandering over my own skin, and I don’t want to stop. I want to imagine it’s him, touching me, exploring me. I want him to be the first to discover every inch of me. I wonder how our bond will feel when we finally touch as lovers, when we finally kiss. My fingers move over my bare, flat stomach, and down…

_Stop immediately!_

I hear it ringing in my ears, as if he’s here beside me. I sit up and glance over my shoulder, just to make sure he’s really not there. I sit up on the side of the bed, my feet on the cold metal floor of The Falcon. I glance down over my body, remembering how close I was to touching myself.

I should lay back down, Force wide open, and pleasure myself until I scream out Ben’s name!

_For Force sake, girl! Not now!_

I chuckle, as much to him as to myself. It’s nice to know that I can get to him occasionally.

I know I have his attention, so I send out an invitation. “I’m on the planet Denon, on The Falcon. Come find me,” I say aloud. Then I traipse toward the refresher, and smile into the mirror. I’m already nude, so I might as well enjoy a shower. I’ll be touching myself in there, cleaning every crack and crevice.

_Quit Rey!_

He used my name. There must be something wrong. I bring my thoughts back into my own mind, stopping my search for him within the Force. I have closed the bond between us for the first time.

I feel nauseous, and dizzy all of a sudden. My head hurts worse than it did when I had heat stroke on Jakku. The Force definitely does not want me to close the bond.

Or is it Ben? Is he ill? I felt something was wrong. Is it him?

There’s no way for me to know.

I climb into the shower, and decide to use the sonic instead of wasting water. I need to be quick, I feel like I might fall down where I stand. Please don’t be sick, Ben. I can’t help you if you won’t let me find you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you've enjoyed the first two chapters. If you did, please let me know!


	3. Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation from Kylo's perspective.

 

**Kylo**

 

“Kylo Ren.”  I hear his voice even before I enter the cavernous chamber.  I open the huge doors with the use of the Force as I approach, then close them behind me without even looking backward after I’ve walked through them.  Although I know he is nothing more than a hologram, I feel the Supreme Leader’s presence as if he is in the room with me.  There is so much hatred and anger surrounding him, it’s as if the Force itself turns dark inside the room.

“Supreme Leader.”  I bow my head in a show of respect. 

I hear him breathe for several moments.  I stand straight up, close my eyes, and try to squash the feeling of something crawling on my skin.  I _will not_ shiver this time.  It makes me look like a coward.  I am not afraid of anything, including the Supreme Leader himself.  I still have a hard time looking at him.  That doesn’t mean I’m scared.

“ _The girl_.”  I hate the way he says the words.  He makes _girl_ sound like a profane four letter word.  “Has she led you to Skywalker?”  

He asks the same thing every time he demands my presence.  If I had found Skywalker, doesn’t he think I would have told him?  It would have been the first thing out of my mouth.

“No, Supreme Leader.  As I’ve said before, she has been expelled from the Resistance.  She is no longer welcome there.  They will not let her return…” 

“Silence!” he screams, interrupting my pleas.  The air around me vibrates with his displeasure.  “No more excuses.  You are the master of the Knights of Ren.  You can manipulate one small female to give you what you want.”

I hold my breath, so that I will not have to feel his disdain bury itself in my chest.  I will not be a failure again.  I have already disappointed Snoke by losing to the girl in combat, and allowing Starkiller Base to be destroyed.  The girl and the traitor escaped on the Millennium Falcon.  The ship should have been my prize!  Hux had to come to my rescue.  Hux!  I will never live down my shame.

“I’m sorry, Supreme Leader.  I don’t know what you’re asking of me.”  Is it a lie?  Do I know what he wants?  Is he suggesting I seduce the scavenger?

Suddenly images of her flood my mind.  I’ve dropped my guard to concentrate on Snoke, and she has invaded.  She’s like a relentless foreign army, besieging my only sanctuary.  _My mind!_   She can claw her way into even the darkest recesses that Snoke cannot penetrate. 

She is touching her own skin.  I can feel its softness on my own fingertips, as if I am experiencing it myself.  I can hear her soft intake of breath as if I’m lying beside her.  I can feel her pleasure as if I’m causing it with my own touch.

 _Stop immediately_! I cry out inside my own head.  I cannot handle the feelings she’s unleashing inside me, while being berated by Snoke.

He laughs, if that’s what it can be called, a dark throaty sound that contains more scorn than mirth.  It’s as if he knows what’s going on inside my head.  “Go to her.  Shower her with gifts beyond her wildest expectations.  Promise her things you will never give her.  Then, when she will do whatever you ask, demand the location of Skywalker.”

I bite down on the inside of my cheek, and hold in the reaction to the pain.  He does want me to seek out the girl.  She’s looking over her own nude body, and it’s as if I’m seeing her with my own eyes.  Her skin is delectable, parts of it tanned from the sun, and parts as white as snow, that have never seen the light of day.  Perhaps no one else has ever seen them, except her.  _And me._ She’s thinking of lying back onto her bed, and touching herself.  Until she calls out my name?  _Not my name_!  **Ben!**

_For Force sake, girl!  Not now!_

“Are you paying attention to me, Ren!” Snoke demands.

“Yes, Supreme Leader.  You want me to lower myself, debase myself, for a girl who is nothing.  She has no family, no name.  She is no one.  And I am to copulate with her?”  I say these things to him.  I have to.  I can’t let Snoke, or the girl, or anyone, know my true feelings.

“Find her, Ren!  Do what you must!”  His harsh words echo in my ears, but her words echo in my head.

“I’m on the planet Denon, on The Falcon.  Come find me.”  She speaks, and I hear her teasing, melodious voice, a stark contrast to Snoke’s cruel, demanding tone.

 _Quit Rey!_ I implore.  And finally she becomes silent.  Just in time for me to hear Snoke’s final order.

“You will do whatever needs to be done to find Skywalker.  Defile your body, and hers if you must.  Then you will kill her, as you have killed your father and you will kill Skywalker.  You will end all of the Jedi, including the girl.  Do not disappoint me again, Ren.  This may be your last chance.”  With that warning, his hologram fades away.

I fall to my knees.  My entire body is shaking.  I thought if I stayed away from her that Snoke would forget about the girl, and come up with a different scheme to find the last Jedi.  I thought I could protect her from Snoke, and the First Order, if I kept my distance.  But I was so wrong.

Snoke knows that I have found the Resistance by using the Force.  He knows that I have formed a bond with the girl.  I never should have told him.  But the first time she opened herself up to me so innocently, it was easy to see where she was, as if I could see her barracks with my own eyes.  I could see her interactions with the traitor, and the pilot. 

I watched as she strolled through the control room toward the general’s office, with screens that told me the exact location of the planet they hid on.  And I saw her having dinner with my mother.  _She’s my mother!_ I screamed out.  Thank the Force I was in my room alone at the time. 

I ran to tell Snoke immediately that I’d located the Resistance, like some jealous child throwing a tantrum.  When he asked me how, I told him everything.  That she had been visiting me through the Force.  That she’d replayed even forgotten childhood memories in my mind.  That she happily offered me her own thoughts.  That we were bound somehow through the Force.

I should have known he’d find a way to use it against me.  Against _her_!  I should have known that he would use it in the most devious, heinous way.  I just didn’t think he would ask me to use her.

I feel weak.  I feel sick.  I remove my helmet, the new one I’d had my armorer fashion.  I breathe deeply, but I still smell the darkness around me like sulfur.  I cough, and choke, trying hard to gather a breath into my lungs. 

I must kill her to prove myself to the Supreme Leader.

I must snuff out Rey, the only true light left in the universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your feedback would be most appreciated!


	4. Rey

 

I quickly dress.  I don’t want to delay our departure any longer.  I meet up with Chewie in the tiny kitchen area.  The wookiee looks me over with his sensitive dark eyes that see everything.  In his native language, he vocalizes his unique mixture of growls and calls.  His tone is softer, lower than normal.  _Are you okay_? he asks.

“I’m fine, Chewie.  Would you like to head out into the city and get some food before we load up the Falcon?”  I try to fake a smile at the end of my words, but his eyes squint up.  I purse my lips, look away from his gaze, and turn toward the exit.  He’ll either follow me, or he won’t.  He’s capable of making his own decisions.

He calls out again, a little louder and more insistent this time.  _You’re not fine_ , he argues.

I huff just a little, try not to roll my eyes, and turn around to stare at him again.  He can be so stubborn sometimes.  “Are you coming?”

He vocalizes again, the sounds ending with an adorable gurgle at the end.  It sounds like the noise of a small child.  It’s his way of saying Ben.  _Is it about Ben_? he asks.

“Is it about Ben?  Isn’t it always about Ben?”  My voice is too loud, my tone too shrill.  I sigh.  None of this is Chewie’s fault.  His eyes widen, and he gives me what might be a smile.  “Something’s wrong with him, Chewie.  I felt it.”

 _Through the bond?_ he prompts.

I’m about to say something snarky, when I bring it back.  This friend thing is hard.  I’m not alone anymore, and that makes me happier than I ever imagined I could be.  But I don’t have much experience with friends, and even less living with someone.  Besides, Chewie might be big, and look intimidating, but deep down he’s just a cuddly teddy bear.

“Yes, through the bond.  And I have no way to talk to him and ask him what’s wrong, or if I can help.”  I can feel that my brows are furrowed, and that my lips are turned down. 

He lumbers toward me, and wraps me in his big strong arms.  He’s nearly two feet taller than me, and being hugged by him would probably make most people a little nervous.  But when he holds me against his soft, thick fur, I feel safer than I ever have.  I grab fistfuls of it on his back, and hold him tighter.

 _Message him_ , he urges.

I’m stunned that Chewie still cares for Ben so much.  After Ben killed Han while Chewie watched, I thought that would be the end of it.  He was very angry, then sad, then he wanted to fix what was wrong, and bring back the boy he remembered.  Chewie is very loyal, which is not anything I’ve ever experienced.  I mean, I practically raised myself after being abandoned, with no family and no home.  Loyalty isn’t something I’ve learned from having it.  That is, of course, until I left Jakku. 

I thought Finn and Poe, and maybe even Leia Organa would be my loyal friends.  I completely understand why the general did what she did.  She had to in order to keep her people safe.  Still…

“I miss my friends, Chewie.  I miss being part of something bigger than myself.”  I allow myself to cry while he holds me.  I can’t remember the last time I cried.  On a desert planet you learn to conserve all of the water you can, even tears. 

“Aaawwwwwrrrrooooooo,” he growls.  _I’m here for you, Rey._

“Thank you, Chewie,” I reply quietly.  I’m not even sure he’s heard me.  I remain against his warm body for several minutes, until I’ve calmed down.  I pull away, wipe my tears off my cheeks, and head toward the exit.

 

*****

 

I’m feeling better after some much needed food, which was wonderful but probably not very nutritious.  After we ate, we toured the city, which is surprisingly filled with mostly humans, for several hours.  Most of the people had seen a wookiee before, so they weren’t shocked, but Chewie informed me several times he was feeling unwelcome. 

Selfishly I wanted to stay in the city.  I’d never seen this many people, or this many stores or restaurants.  The words were foreign to me, although I knew what they meant.  We didn’t have either at Niima Outpost, just trading tents and a few outdoor food stalls that sold meat roasted over an open flame.  What kind of meat?  The old women who manned the stalls would never say.

Besides, touring a new place with a wookie meant that no person in their right mind would mess with me.  I still carry my staff on my back, but walking around with Chewie guarantees that I won’t have to use it.

I’m eating a delicious frozen concoction that Chewie insisted I try as we return to the Falcon.  It contains milk, sugar, and chunks of meiloorun fruit.  I didn’t think it would be that good, but I was so wrong.  It’s incredible. 

We’re joking and laughing as we near our ship, which has become our home, when both of us stop in our tracks.  I take a step closer to Chewie, and he wraps his heavy arm around my shoulder. 

 _It’s okay_ , he assures me.

Beside the Falcon, parked so close it’s a wonder the pilot landed it without losing a wing, is a brand new Upsilon-class shuttle.  It is as black as night, and looks twice as wicked as it looks expensive, especially beside our fifty year old hand-me-down.

“Do you think it’s Ben?” I wonder aloud.  Neither of us has moved yet.  We’re both too busy staring at the beautiful ship.

 _Can you feel him?_ he asks me.  Chewie stares at me, with as much apprehension as there is hope in his expression.

With all of the distractions of the city, I’d forgotten I’d closed the bond this morning.  I take a deep breath, and close my eyes.  I open my mind, and tentatively search for him through the Force.

This time he lets me in.  Usually I’m pushing against him as he struggles to keep me out, until I’m inside his memories.  But rarely can I read his thoughts or see what he sees in real time.  But right now, he’s completely open, allowing me free access as I usually do with him.  _Is he making it too easy_? I wonder, as I see the inside of the Falcon through his eyes.

“He’s here,” I whisper.  I don’t know why, though.  He can probably hear me. 

 _In the shuttle_? Chewie asks.

“He’s inside the Falcon,” I inform him.  I reach out to grab his furry hand for reassurance, and feel cold goo drop onto my skin.  “Kriff!” I mutter, as I bring my hand to my mouth to lick it off.  I’d forgotten about the dessert I’d been enjoying just a moment ago.

_Such language, from a girl._

I look up at Chewie, but I know it wasn’t him.  The voice is inside my head, and it’s unmistakable.  I shiver from the sensation of us sharing our thoughts through the Force.  The bond is an almost tangible object now that he is so near. 

_Ben…_

The word sticks inside my head, and bounces around like an echo chamber.

 _Where are you, scavenger?  I’m waiting for you_.  I see him walk toward a hidden door, and touch a panel beside it so that it will open.  He would know where it is, of course.  Chewie told me it was his bedroom when he traveled on the ship.  But now it’s mine!

 _“_ Stay out of my things!” I cry out, and immediately begin to march toward the rusting bucket of bolts that is now my home.  _At least this one runs_.  I smile to myself as I think it.

 _Barely._ He sounds so sarcastic, so full of himself. 

I march faster.  And when the door opens, he’s standing there on the other side.  I gasp when I see him.  He’s not wearing the mask, so his brooding, sad eyes and thick pouty lips are on full display.  I gasp loudly, and take a step back, so far that the hatch closes again. 

I feel like I did earlier, like I’m sick and weak and weary all of a sudden.  I feel lightheaded, almost like I can’t breathe.  What’s wrong with me? 

Or is it him?  Is he the one who feels this way, and I’m only feeling it through the bond.  Is he ill?  Is he dying?

I lean forward, and the door slides open again with the expected swooshing sound.  I wasn’t wrong.  Ben Solo is standing on the other side of the door, as if he has been waiting there for me.  Not only is he not wearing the mask, he’s not even wearing black.  He’s wearing a gray shirt with a dark gray vest and the same color trousers.  He’s dressed almost like the holos I’ve seen of his father.

I cry out when I take him all in, but it comes out more like a whimper.

“Hello, Rey,” he says in his darkly sweetened voice. 

I’m practically immobile I’m so stunned.  That is until I hear the wookiee’s almost pained call from behind me.

I watch as Ben’s dark eyes move from mine, to take in my companion.  “Chewbacca,” he says, in the same even, unemotional tone.

Now, I’m shaking.  I’m literally afraid of what might happen next.

Can I protect Chewie if Ben attacks him?  I reach for my light saber on my belt, and remember that I left it locked in my hidden compartment in my hidden bedroom.  “Kriff!” I exclaim.

“Looking for this?” Ben asks, as he removes the weapon from a pocket in his pants.  He flips it once, twice, then holds it up to examine it.

This will not go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for sharing your feed back with me. I hope everyone is enjoying my take on the Reylo relationship. I wasn't sure about Chewie's dialogue, and I'm still not. What does everyone think?


	5. Kylo

 

Her pretty hazel eyes become huge as she stares at the weapon.  She’s nervous, unsure, and a little bit afraid.  I can feel her emotions as if they are my own.  I can practically hear her heart beating faster. 

Then, she reaches out her hand and tries to pull the saber away from me with the Force.  I have to hold the hilt tighter as I feel her tugging at it.  She tries for nearly a minute, before she finally gives up.

“You still need a teacher,” I comment flippantly, as I clip the weapon next to mine on my belt.

“Maybe, but it won’t be you,” she counters with enough sass to make me question why she really lured me here. 

I did a full scan of the planet before I landed here, and found no military installations that looked out of place.  I didn’t see any indication the Resistance had made their new home here.  But perhaps I’ve been fooled.

I suddenly feel very uncomfortable.  “Perhaps I was wrong to come here,” I say, and begin to make my exit.  But I have two big problems in front of me, the small girl planted firmly in my path, and the wookiee blocking the ramp behind her. 

“Aaaaarrrrrrrwwwww,” Chewbacca vocalizes when I glance his way again.  _Going somewhere_? he asks me.

I clearly didn’t think this through. 

“Is that why you’re here?  To teach me?” she asks, her hands balled into fists, now firmly planted on her hips.  “I guess you want to show me the dark side?”  Her eyes squint up, but her heart skips a beat.  Is she unintentionally showing me she’s interested in learning from me? 

I open my mouth to offer to teach her whatever she wants to know.  But I stop, inhale, and take a beat so that I don’t seem so eager.  “You invited me here, remember?  Do the words _Come find me?_ sound familiar?”

She looks away from my gaze without answering, and her head subconsciously tips toward Chewie. 

 _You invited him_? he demands in his native tongue.

Her angry eyes are immediately fixed on mine again.  “I might have,” she answers, in her clipped, regal tone. 

I exhale when I hear it.  Why have I never noticed it before?  Her pronunciation is not the accent of the undereducated people of Jakku.  But it sounds familiar, like I’ve heard it before.  Who does she remind me of?  The thought slips out of my grasp when I hear the wookiee speak again.

 _You deal with him_ , Chewie mutters, and casually walks around both of us, even though he’s so huge that both Rey and I have to move out of his way.  He plods along toward the cockpit, and exhales a cry of frustration that is not meant to mean anything.

When we’re alone, she eyes me suspiciously.  “Why are you here, Ben Solo?”

Her accent triggers that feeling of having heard it before again, almost like déjà vu.  I take a moment, racking my brain, but it is just out of reach.  “My name is Kylo,” I snap, perhaps a bit too harshly.  Why can’t I place her dialect?  I _know_ I’ve heard it.

“Why are you dressed that way, Kylo?  Like a specter that we both know is gone.” 

I inhale loudly, because I’ve figured out where I’ve heard her accent and her haughty, posh tone.  It’s written all over her.  The set of her eyes, the shape of her forehead, even the way she holds her mouth in a part scowl reminds me.  Even her neutral flowing clothing is like…

Does she know, deep down?  Does she remember? 

I clear my throat, and try to think of a good answer to her question.  “I wanted to blend in.  I didn’t want anyone to know who I really am,” I say.  I did put on the clothes so that no one would know I was Kylo Ren.  I didn’t realize until she pointed it out how much the clothes look like what my father used to wear.

“Yes and the shuttle you arrived here in would never give it away.” 

I take a step closer, and my eyes roam over her face slowly.  “I thought you wanted me here, Rey.  Has that changed?”

She licks her lips anxiously, and her shoulders tremble.  “No.”  Her eyes take me in as well.  Suddenly, as if she’s seeing it for the first time, she reaches out.  Then her hand stops midair.  She pulls away from me, from my scarred face, so much so that she almost trips over the ramp. 

Quickly I reach out to stabilize her.  I pull her back onto the ship, and touch a few buttons.  The ramp retracts with a swish, and we are alone and in very close proximity. 

“Do you remember what you were going to do this morning?  Because I do.”  I am still holding her wrist.  I can feel her pulse racing.  I can hear her erratic heartbeat pounding.  I can _feel_ her reaction to me.

The Force buzzes around us, charging the air until it practically sizzles.  Her breathing is ragged.  Her cheeks are filling with color. 

“Ben,” she murmurs.  My name is a protest and a plea.

Not _my_ name!  **BEN!**

The wookiee growls behind us.  _The shipment is here_ , he says.  But his tone is hard, and his eyes glare at the place where my hand touches Rey’s skin.

“We’re taking recycled droid parts to Akiva, and we’ll pick up a shipment of fruits and vegetables to transport to Coruscant.”  It takes a moment for me to realize she’s speaking to me, I’m so wrapped up in her reactions. 

“So this is what you do now?  You’re a smuggler, like…”  I leave the word unspoken. 

“We don’t smuggle.  We transport goods in a completely legal manner,” she counters smugly. 

Chewbacca opens the door and extends the ramp again, then leaves the ship.  I look outside and see droids removing boxes from a shuttle, and a rodian observing them with a data pad.  Chewbacca approaches the being, and it scuttles away as if afraid.  Chewie chases after it, shouting in his native tongue. 

I feel something change in Rey’s demeanor, and I look away from the scene outside to find her staring at me.  Her eyes are full of emotion, one that I haven’t seen since I was a child.  She’s looking at me with wonder, like I’m something special.

I am special, unique.  I always have been.  It hasn’t always been a good thing.

“What’s wrong?” I demand, searching her eyes.  I could read her mind, if I choose to.  The bond is wide open between us, so that I could know her thoughts as easily as I know my own.  I would rather hear her say it though.

“You were smiling.  It was magical,” she whispers.  She reaches out and touches the scar this time.  I want to retreat.  I’m almost as afraid of her as the rodian is of the wookiee.  She gave me the scar, after all.  But when she says, “I’m sorry,” and traces it gently, I’m almost glad it’s there.  It’s giving her a reason touch me.  Isn’t that what I want?

“It’s nothing.”  I can feel myself frowning as I lie.

“Couldn’t the medical team remove the scar?” she asks softly.  Now she’s worried about the damn scar?  I can still see her standing over me victoriously, as if it just happened.  If the planet hadn’t come apart, separating us, it’s hard to tell what she might have done to me.

“It’s a reminder,” I admit.  She gasps, but she doesn’t stop touching it.  “Of you.”

She chuckles nervously.  “I regret the reminder,” she teases.

 _I regret trying to read your mind_ , I think.  _It caused all of this._

 _I don’t think it’s your fault_ , she answers back wordlessly.  I grimace, and she moves closer.  “I think the Force intended for us to meet, to bond.  I think it would have happened regardless.”

I have to change the subject.  Meeting Rey wasn’t fate, was it?  _I make my own decisions, not the Force_!  “You don’t speak like you’re from Jakku,” I say, to distract her.

“I’m not.  I was abandoned there,” she replies.  Her voice is somehow less than a whisper now.

“By whom?” I demand.  Does she remember?

The wookiee interrupts us again, and the droids begin to move cargo onto the ship.

“We’re leaving soon,” she translates, even though she doesn’t need to.

“I’ll come with you.  There are things we must discuss,” I implore.  It is not a lie, I’m sure she would know if it was.

She nods slightly.  “You’re right.  Will you leave the shuttle here, then?” she enquires.

“I thought I could take you in the shuttle, and we could talk in private.  There is so much that needs to be said.”  I stare into her eyes, hoping somehow to convince her to come with me.

 _Not a good idea_ , Chewbacca exclaims.

“I can handle myself,” Rey counters.  Then she holds out her hand, practically demanding the light saber.  It is mine! I want to argue.  But I hand it over.  “Thank you,” she says, before she turns toward our companion.  “Akiva is a relatively short distance.  What could go wrong?”

 _No_ , Chewbacca states firmly.  But Rey ignores him.

I lead her off the Falcon and into my shuttle, and she’s gazing at everything.  “What are the specs for the engine?  Is it faster than the Falcon?  Is it a zero point nine hyper drive?  I’ve heard that’s the newest technology, but obviously I haven’t seen it in action.” 

She follows me to the cockpit, and I wave to the co-pilot chair.  I place the headphones over my ears, and she grabs hers too, then we both strap in.  I push several buttons, and she takes it all in excitedly.  Then, as we leave the planet, she glances up at the calculations for the jump, and exclaims, “That’s not the path to Akiva.”

“We’re not going to Akiva,” I inform her. 

Her eyes go wide with shock.  She’s been tricked, and she knows it.  I flip a switch and pull the yoke back toward me.

“Ben!” she screams, as we slide easily into hyperspace.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come on Rey, we all knew it was going to happen...
> 
> Don't forget to leave a comment, letting me know what you think.


	6. Rey

The g-force is stronger than I’ve ever felt.  It’s putting an almost painful pressure on my chest, especially where the straps fit over my shoulders.  I try to open my mouth to speak, and I have to try several times before I get the words out.  “Where are we going?” I demand.  I hear my own voice coming through the headphones, and I’m sure he hears me too.

“It’s a surprise,” he says, with a light chuckle.

I glance over at him in my peripheral, and see that he’s moving around in the seat, pressing buttons, and changing displays on the screen in front of him.  He doesn’t seem to be as affected by the speed at which we’re moving.  He’s apparently used to it. 

“I demand to know where you are taking me this instant!” I exclaim, but my traveling companion ignores me.  “Now!” I scream.

“Not yet,” he counters easily. 

I sit silently and fume, trying to calculate how far we’ve traveled.  I have no idea the top speed of the craft, or how fast we’re going.  I can’t believe I fell for this.  But I also can’t believe how much I wanted to go with him.  It’s the bond’s fault, I tell myself.  I’m not completely to blame.  Besides, he set out to deceive me, obviously, wearing casual clothes, and no mask, and looking incredible.  He looks so young, and innocent.  I’d found out from the Resistance that he’s nearly thirty.  It’s hard to believe, when I take in his soft eyes and boyish cheeks.  And when he smiled earlier, while watching Chewie, I felt a tingle down my spine.  He is handsome, yes, but his entire presence lit up when he smiled. 

 _We’re almost here.  I hope she likes it_ , I hear, but not thought the headphones. 

I glance over to find him watching me.  My face suddenly catches fire, turning bright red.  I wonder if he read my thoughts just then.  I don’t think I could possibly be more embarrassed. 

I notice he touches several buttons, then pushes the yoke slowly away from him.  The ship slows down, then arrives outside the orbit of a lovely blue and green planet.  I gasp when I see it through the viewing screen.  It’s beautiful, and somewhat like my dream.

“You can remove your straps and headphones now,” he informs me.  I want to move, but I’m transfixed by the beautiful sight in front of me.  “I wanted to find a planet with oceans and lush green land.  How did I do?”

“You tried to match my dream?” I ask him, after several moments. 

“Yes,” he answers.  His voice is right beside me.  He has stood up, and my eyes follow him.  “May I?” he murmurs, as he reaches for my seatbelt. 

“Oh!” I cry out.  He grins slightly, pops the hook, and removes the straps.  Then, he offers me his hand.  I take it, and our hands touching causes the bond to sizzle again.  I feel it all over my body, from my scalp to my toes.  He leads me toward the large viewing area, and I’m awestruck again by how beautiful it is.  Not just the planet that awaits, but this moment, the two of us together staring at it, anticipating the possibilities.

“It’s magnificent,” I say.  “All of it, it’s breathtaking.”

“It’s the planet Corellia.  We will land near a beachside resort, where we will share a suite.  After we freshen up then we’ll have our conversation.  Is that acceptable?”  He still holds my hand, and our bond has my nerve endings buzzing.  He’s gazing into my eyes, and I feel his sincerity deep into my soul.  How could I possibly say no?

“Yes, that’s fine,” I hear myself answer.  I’ve been so taken by his smooth voice and his gorgeous eyes that I swear I didn’t hear what he said, but finally it clicks in my brain.  “A beach?” 

“Yes, a beautiful beach, and the climate is the perfect temperature.  You’ll love it,” he assures me.  “Look.”  He tips my chin toward the screen, but I’m reluctant to look away from his eyes.  They’re almost glowing with happiness.  “Rey.”  He says my name, and I’m brought out of the spell his eyes have cast around me. 

I tear my eyes away, and see that he must have placed the shuttle on autopilot, because the planet is coming closer.  I gasp.  “Shouldn’t you be in the pilot seat?”

“Would you like to pilot the ship?” he offers. 

This would be my chance to get away, to return to Akiva and to the safety of my friend.  But the last thing I want to do is leave Ben.  “I would love to,” I answer, and hurry to the seat.  “I’ve never flown one of these, obviously.”

“I’ll step you through it.”  Patiently, he instructs me on how to land the vehicle.  Excited to learn, I pay very close attention and do everything as he tells me to do it.  “Are you sure you don’t want me to teach you?”  His tone is playful and it touches my heart.  I want to say yes, so darn bad.

 

*****

 

I’m standing on the balcony of my bedroom, overlooking the sea.  “The sea,” I say aloud, even though no one else is around.  I can walk down a set of steps and place my feet on the sand.  I don’t know if I should wait on Ben, or if I should go alone.  I stare down at my sturdy boots, and cringe at the idea of getting sand in them.  Maybe I should just take them off.  If I had done that on Jakku I would have fried the soles of my feet.  But Ben was right, the temperature is warm but not hot, and the sand seems to be moist from the water crashing onto the beach. 

I could do it.  I _can_ do it.

I kick off my boots and run down the steps.  When I’m at the bottom I stop.  I touch the pads of my toes of one foot onto the beach.  It’s not coarse and powdery like back on Jakku.  My toes practically sink into its softness.  It’s not so hot it will burn me, it’s comfortable and almost a bit cool.  Once I’ve tested it, I take off running across the sand and to the water. 

When I landed on Takodana with Ben’s father, Han, I wanted to run and jump into the water, but we were on a mission.  Now, I have nothing to do and nowhere to be.  When I get to the place where the sand is a bit wetter and I sink into it a little, I stop.  The waves will bring the water to me. 

When I feel the warm water crash against my bare feet I giggle.  I can see tiny little creatures swimming around in the water, just before the current takes it away again.  The water is a glittering blue-green, the sky is a bright true blue with fluffy white clouds, and the sun is a bright golden ball that is the perfect distant from the planet so that it is not too hot.

The breeze on my face is gentle, and full of promise and hope.  I take my hair out of the leather band, and let it blow around me.  I could live here.  I could fish for food.  I could spend the rest of my days here and never, ever leave.

“Do you like it?” he asks, from a step behind me.  I turn toward him, and I see that he’s changed shirts.  He’s wearing the same trousers, and they are rolled up to his knees.  He’s wearing a soft, almost billowy short sleeved shirt.  His skin looks so pale against the gray material. 

“You’ll get burned by the sun,” I warn him.  I’ve been burned too many times myself. 

“I’m wearing balm,” he tells me.  “You should put some on.”  He hands me a tube.  I open it, and it smells fruity.  I smear it all over my skin because I want to smell that way too.  “Did you find the clothing in your closet?”

“What? No,” I say, as I hand the balm to him. 

His eyes sparkle at the thought.  “When I arranged for the suite I ordered the clothing for you, including bathing suits and sandals to wear on the beach.”

I should be perfectly happy.  I am at the most beautiful spot I can imagine.  I’m with Ben.  I feel very free.  I want to be here forever.  I never, ever want to leave.

So what’s this feeling of doubt creeping up my spine?  “Why?”

“Why, what?” he asks almost gently.

“Why all of this?  Why this obviously expensive resort?” I demand. 

“The price is meaningless,” he replies glibly.  I’m sure my stunned expression holds all of the thoughts swirling around in my head.  Besides that, he can probably read every single one of them.  “Compared to your happiness, I mean,” he adds.

“Why is my happiness so important?” I continue.

"We need to discuss some very important matters.  And I want you to be as comfortable as possible.”  His voice is smoky, heavy with something undefined.  I stare into his eyes, and try to read his intentions, but suddenly the bond between us is closed.

“If you want me to be comfortable, you should probably open up and let me know what you’re thinking and feeling.”  We hold each others’ gaze for several moments, before he looks away.  I take a step closer to him.  I explore his eyes, his face, his expression, but all I find is how much he’s concealing from me again.  “Look at me, Ben.  What are you hiding?”

“Not now.”  He turns away slightly again.  Ugggh!  I want to scream at him.  But his voice is smooth when he says, “You’ll learn everything very soon.  Why don’t you go and explore your closet, and find something pretty to wear for dinner?” 

I want to stomp my foot and exclaim, _I don’t want to look pretty!_   But I kinda do.  I want to see what he’s had brought to the room for me.  And most importantly I want to eat dinner.  I’m starving.

“Fine,” I snap, and march through the sand and back up the steps.  When I’m at the balcony, I turn back to take in the beautiful scenery once more, to find Ben watching me.  “Grrr…” I huff, as I step into the room and slam the door behind me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe she can trust Ben...  
> Maybe she can't.


	7. Kylo

 

I knock on her door, and wait for her to answer.  I wait a full minute, standing in the same spot.  I hold my breath for a moment and listen, but hear nothing beyond the door.  I could search for her through our bond, but that would mean I’d have to open my mind to her.  I’m surprised she’s not trying to claw her way inside.

I knock again, and still nothing.  Maybe she’s out on her balcony.  I wait another moment or two, then step away.  I can see her balcony from the glass doors.  As I move away to check her door opens. 

“Dinner is…” I begin, but when I see her, I stop.  Everything stops, time, my breathing, my heartbeat.  She’s looking up at me, through her eyelashes and her thick dark hair which frames her gorgeous face.  Is she wearing makeup?  My eyes consume her, all of her.  I thought she was pretty, but I was wrong.  She’s a goddess.  She’s breathtaking.  She’s incredible.

“Do I look okay?” she mutters, and moves her hand down the front of her dress. 

She chose a white lacy dress that has platinum threading throughout the lace.  When she moves, tiny gemstones catch the light and sparkle.  The top of the dress is sheer, and hangs from her neck by a thick platinum choker.  Only toward her small, budding breasts does the lace seem to get thicker, then becomes sheer again at the tops of her thighs and floats almost weightlessly down to her ankles.

I wish I had not ordered this dress, but it looked completely innocent on the holos.  The thoughts that run through my mind as she’s wearing it, what I’d like to do to her, are the farthest things from innocent.

“You look divine,” I reply honestly, when words finally return to me.

“It’s not too…” she begins, but can’t find the right word to describe the dress.  She looks down at herself, insecure but with obvious pleasure.  She likes it, and wants to wear it, but she has doubts, probably because it’s so different from what she’s worn all her life.  But she looks like she was born to wear these types of dresses, and her accent supports my assumption.  When she turns around, I’m again speechless.  No lace covers her back at all, until it reaches her waist, then barely covers her backside before again becoming completely transparent. 

“Oh, it’s definitely much too….”  Sexy, tantalizing, alluring, provocative, tempting…  I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep my hands off her.

“Is it?  I should change,” she exclaims, and retreats.

“You will do no such thing,” I counter, and reach for her hand.  When I touch her, the bond doesn’t just sizzle, it practically explodes. 

She cries out and jumps away.  She eyes me accusingly as if I caused that to happen.  Maybe I did do it.  Maybe my emotional response to her in that dress caused the bond to have a stronger reaction. 

“What was that?” she demands, as if I know any more about Force bonds than she does. 

Reluctant to admit my hormonal reaction to her might have caused it, I shrug.  “Dinner has arrived, and is growing cold.  I’d be pleased if you’d join me.”  She gazes down at her dress again.  “You look lovely,” I assure her.  Then I hesitantly offer her my hand, and she takes it.  The bond is there, I definitely feel it, but it has calmed down considerably.

I lead her into the dining area which is decorated beautifully in the common nautical colors of white and red, with pictures of seafaring ships, colorful sunsets, and seaside cottages.  She wants to stop and look at everything, including glass jars full of shells from sea animals, and the miniature ship models that seem to be everywhere.

I sit at the table and watch her, as enchanted with her as she is with the décor.  “This is lovely.  I’ve never seen anything like this.  I’ve never _been_ anywhere like this.”  Finally she joins me, daintily taking her chair, and waits for me to speak.

“I’ve been here before, when I was a child.”  I say it as I remove the lid from a serving tray, exposing a small mound of tiny sea creatures boiled in spices native to the planet.  “This was always one of my favorite dishes.  It was very expensive to ship them off planet as they need to be alive up until they are cooked, which made it a special treat when we came here.”

She’s staring at me, knowingly.  She can tell, even without the bond wide open, that I’m feeling something.  I try to keep my voice as steady and unemotional as usual, but somehow she knows.  Her eyes question me, even though her lips do not.  And for some reason I say it aloud.  “My father was born on Corellia.  We spent many summers here when I was growing up… before…”

She reaches out, and touches my hand.  The bond slips open, almost as if by its own doing, and happy memories quickly flood both our minds.  She giggles as she witnesses Chewbacca trying to avoid the water while simultaneously trying to keep me out of it.  She sighs as she watches me as a small child, following along behind my parents who were holding hands like young lovers, and me breaking in between them to take my mom’s hand.  My father ruffled my hair and quickly pulled me into his arms, so that he could hold both me and my mom’s hand.  Me at the table eating as much as I could stuff into my tiny stomach, then having a belly ache all night.  My mom would come into my room and comfort me, singing me songs from her planet.  Then my father would bring me a tiny cup of tea, which was the local remedy for overeating.  It never helped as much as my mom’s kisses did.

“You must have had an amazing childhood,” she murmurs, as she removes her hand from mine, and withdraws from my mind.

Instead of answering, I absentmindedly pick up one of the tiny pieces of meat and pop it into my mouth.  It still tastes just as good as I remember.

She tries one, and smiles at me.  Perhaps she likes them as well.  I begin to describe all of the vegetation that is chopped and placed into a salad, then describe the tuber that is boiled with spices, and smothered in butter and more spices.

When we are both happily full, I uncover dessert.  Her eyes grow wide when she sees the cake covered in heavy cream and berries.  “I can’t eat another bite!” she protests, but she immediately takes her dessert spoon and dips it into the cake, before I serve it.

I’ve watched her closely during dinner.  She’s showed no signs of intimidation at all the different utensils around her plate.  She even used them all properly.  She daintily wiped her mouth and her fingers with the cloth napkin she’d placed in her lap.  Her table manners were impeccable, without her even thinking about it.

“Rey, what if I asked you about your childhood?  Do you think if we touched, the bond would show us?” I ask almost offhandedly. 

She stops with the spoon almost to her mouth.  She doesn’t look at me.  She’s staring at the wall, but I know she doesn’t see it.  “My childhood was Jakku,” she answers, and continues to eat. 

“You know that’s not true.  We could find out, together.  You could have a home planet and a family waiting there for you.”  Do I really want her poking around in my head right now?  If we open up to each other, she could see everything.  Couldn’t she?

“They left me.  They abandoned me.  They’re never coming back,” she insists, but she continues to eat, although she seems to have lost the joy in the action.

“You don’t know that,” I argue. 

“I know, because Maz told me,” she says softly, and turns toward me with wide eyes. 

“I’ve met Maz.  She is wise, yes, but just because she said it, doesn’t mean it will happen.”  I try to cling to some hope that she will be okay, after…

She reaches out her hand to me, but pulls back as if she’s afraid to touch me.  “She told me they’re never coming back, but one still can.”  Her eyes change.  They’re boring holes into me, as if she doesn’t need the bond to see inside my mind.

“No…” I reply, with a shake of my head.  “It’s not me.”

“I didn’t say it was you,” she whispers.

We sit silently for several moments.  “We’re at an impasse.  I’ll call the droids to clean up as we take a walk on the beach.”

“I’ll change,” she offers.

“No, wear the dress,” I say, maybe a bit too quickly. 

“It will drag in the sand, and get wet in the water,” she points out.

“You have other pretty dresses that you can wear on the beach.  Put on one of those,” I suggest.  I feel a smile tip up the corners of my lips as I say it.

“I will, if you promise never to talk about my family again,” she barters.

“I can’t promise that.  I want to know who your parents are.  Why don’t you?”  She bites at her bottom lip, willing herself not to answer.  Her eyes dart from mine, finding a window.  “You’re afraid.”

“I’m not afraid of anything,” she replies staunchly.  But I can hear a slight tremor in her voice. 

“Go and change.  Wear something to stroll on the beach, not to scavenge on Jakku,” I caution. 

“Whatever you say, your highness,” she says sarcastically.

Doesn’t she know I really am royalty?  She scrapes the chair against the floor, and storms away yet again.  For a woman who wanted me to come to her, she sure seems to be trying hard to get away from me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give and take, push and pull...  
> When it finally happens the planet might explode around them!


	8. Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is a tad longer than the others, but worth it.  
> Thanks for reading!

 

Why does he care if I look pretty?  Why does he care if I’m dressed in the clothes that I wore every day on Jakku?  What difference does it make to him what I wear?

Sometimes I could just scream at him.

But other times, when I look into his eyes, I know he’s in there.  _Ben Organa Solo_.  I know the happy little boy is hiding somewhere, trying his hardest to come out.  I saw it when he smiled at Chewbacca, and I saw it when he was standing on the beach.

I stare at the closet, wondering if he picked all of these dresses out himself.  Surely not.  Perhaps he told the person booking the room to fill the closet, and they charged the most expensive clothes they had in stock.  But it’s all so beautiful, and so feminine.  Every dress is more exquisite than the one before.  And the one I’m wearing now, it’s so innocent, yet so daring.  The necklace holding it up alone cost more than I made on Jakku, all of it together. 

Is this what it would be like, being with Ben Solo?

Not Ben, but Kylo Ren. 

Ben Solo the Jedi would have had to give up the need for worldly possessions.  And love.  Jedi aren’t supposed to love.

_Thank the Force Ben Solo did not become a Jedi._

I breathe in through my nose, and out through my mouth slowly after that thought.  If Ben had become a Jedi, our feelings for each other would have been forbidden.

 _How do you know he has feelings_? I remind that overreaching, completely imaginative part of my mind that is thinking crazy thoughts.

He does want me to look pretty.  And when he gazed at me in this dress…

I should wear it, constantly, all the time.  But then, there’s this one. 

I pull the two piece outfit out of the closet.  It is pink, and shimmering, and far too pretty for a walk on the beach.  But when else am I going to wear it?  Hanging out on the Falcon with Chewie?

I quickly put on the outfit, and when Ben knocks I shove my feet into super soft, pink sandals that match.  I open the door, and his eyes are softer and darker than they were earlier.  I wonder what would happen if we touched right now.  I wonder if the bond would stun both of us.  Maybe it would set the house on fire. 

“I should change,” I say.  Does he know I’m fishing for compliments? 

“N-n-no…” he stutters.  How can he stutter over a two letter word?  His eyes rake over me, and the glittery pink top that barely reaches the middle of my ribcage, and the skirt that is sheer and billowy from mid thigh to mid calf.  “It looks so much better than on the holos.”

I smile shyly.  “Thank you, Ben.”

He takes my hand, without anything bursting into flames, and leads me onto the porch.  As soon as we’re outside I see the sky is almost the exact same pink as the dress I’m wearing, and the tips of the waves glitter and echo the color of the sky.

I gasp loudly when I see it.  Then I kick off the shoes, and run toward the sand.  Now that I know it won’t hurt me, I can’t wait to feel it on my feet.  Ben doesn’t release my hand, and runs beside me.  I run straight out into the pink tinted water, and when I’m knee deep in it, Ben picks me up and spins me around.

I laugh loudly, staring up into the sky where the clouds have covered the sun, which is setting over the edge of the sea.  My toes barely touch the water, and I kick them as I spin around, sending droplets into Ben’s dark curls.

“Ben!” I cry out loudly, as he runs back toward the shore.

“You can’t go in the water at this time of the evening,” he warns, when he’s back on the beach.  “The currents bring in the sand flitter, and if they become aggressive they will sting you.”  He’s completely serious as he says it, but he still hasn’t sat me down. 

I laugh again, thinking of the dreaded _sand flitter_.  Who would name something dangerous a _flitter_?  “Are you sure it’s not a story your parents just made up to keep you out of the water after dinner?”

“No, watch,” he argues, and when only the rim of the sun shows over the water, I see fluorescent pink shapes covering the sand, even under the water.  They move around, as if they are swimming. 

“Did we eat them?” I ask.  I don’t try to wiggle out of his arms.  As a matter of fact, I’m enjoying being there.  He is so strong, and sturdy, and his wide chest against mine is making me feel things that I probably shouldn’t.

“No, we didn’t eat them.  They’re too small.”  He takes a few steps closer to the water, taking care not to get too close.  “See?”

“It’s all so beautiful!” I exclaim. 

“You’re beautiful,” he says, as he kneels down onto the sand, keeping me firmly in his arms.  I look up, and find him staring at me intently. 

This is it.  This is why I begged him to come to me.  I feel his energy, his desire as he gazes at me.  I feel his light shining on me.

“Ben,” I whisper onto the breeze, and reach out to touch his face.  I touch the two dark spots above his eye, and the one right beside his nose.  His eyelids flutter, then seem to become very heavy.  “Ben.”

He looks away before closing his eyes.  Then he sets me onto my feet beside him.  “Let’s walk,” he says, as he stands and takes my hand.

“Ben!” I yell, and stand as firm as I can on the sand.  He remains with his back to me, but doesn’t try to move.  “Turn around and kiss me, right now, with the beautiful sunset surrounding us.”

His shoulders sag, as if he’s just heard terrible news. 

I exhale loudly, and jerk on his hand.  “Ben!”

The bond opens again, but this time I’m not revisiting Ben’s childhood vacations on Corellia.  This time I’m in a dark room.  I’m surrounded by darkness.  I _feel_ the darkness, as if it’s seeping into my soul. 

I see his master, and he’s scary evil.  He looks like some kind of dead boogeyman that has been holding on to life for far too long. 

_“Go to her.  Shower her with gifts beyond her wildest expectations.  Promise her things you will never give her.  Then, when she will do whatever you ask, demand the location of Skywalker.”_

“Ben?  Is it true?” I ask.

When I see his wide, strong shoulders shake, I release his hand and take off running, past the steps that lead up to the beautiful house.  But just as I think I’m going to catch the wind and take off to Force knows where, anywhere but here, I feel Ben tackle me onto the sand. 

No, he’s not Ben.  He hasn’t been that boy in a long, long time.  I have to face the fact that he is now Kylo Ren.

I roll over swiftly, and begin to hit at his chest.  Although I hit him with all my might, it’s like it doesn’t even faze him.

“Get off me Ren!  The only reason you came to me…” I pant around punches.

He grabs my fists, and easily holds my hands out above my head.

“The only reason I came to you was to protect you.  If I’d said no, Snoke would have sent the Knights of Ren to hunt you down and murder you, or worse.  As long as I’m here with you, Snoke believes that I’m trying to get the location of Skywalker.”

The longer he speaks, the more the bond opens.  I feel his sincerity.  I feel his honesty.  I feel his light, as if it’s pouring off him, and he could light the now purple sky with it.

“I’m here to keep Snoke from killing you, Rey.”

I should believe him.  The Force is telling me he’s being truthful.  But I can’t.  I’m not sure I can trust him right now.

“I want you to find your family in hopes that you can hide with them, that maybe they can protect you from Snoke.”  He’s gazing into my eyes now, and he’s weaving his fingers into mine. 

I suddenly can’t breathe.  His huge body is on top of mine, his legs straddling my hips to keep his weight off me.  I feel the powerful muscles that hide beneath his clothing.  I feel all of him.

“If you can’t protect me from Snoke, no one can,” I reason.

“I’ve been protecting you since Starkiller Base.  I’ve been doing everything I can to convince Snoke that you are harmless, meaningless.  I’ve lied and told him you’re nothing.”  His voice is becoming gentle, full of an emotion that I’m afraid to name. 

My heart is pounding, I hear it crashing in my ears louder than the waves.  “You’ve been hunting the resistance.”  I dispute his claim the only way I know how.

“But you’ve been unharmed,” he reminds me.

Is it true?  Is he protecting me?  And if he is, why?

He almost chuckles at my doubt.  “Don’t you know, Rey?  We’re bound now, you and I.”

“But all the times I tried to get you to come to me.  You were there, on Raydonia.  You could have…”  I don’t finish my thought.

But he does.  “Stolen you, and taken you to Snoke, where he would have forced the dark side on you or killed you if you resisted?”

“I… I don’t…” I begin.

“I do know.  You need a teacher, Rey.  But not Snoke.  Never Snoke.”

“Then we can run away together, you and I.  We can find some kind of balance between the dark and the light.”  The words just spill out.  I’ve been thinking it since he offered to teach me.  “It sounds crazy, but what if we could.”

He shakes his head, but he looks like he’s considering it.  “Snoke would find us, Rey.  The best thing is for you to run alone, and for me to convince Snoke that you overpowered me again.”

_“Then you will kill her, as you have killed your father and you will kill Skywalker.  You will end all of the Jedi, including the girl.  Do not disappoint me again, Ren.  This may be your last chance.”_

The bond is still open, and I hear Snoke’s warning as if he’s here with us, on the beach.  I feel a tear escape at the thought of losing him.  “He’ll kill you if you return defeated again.”

His eyes avoid mine again.  “Maybe.  Maybe not.”

“I will not let you sacrifice yourself, Ben.  Not for me.”  He doesn’t answer me.  “Maybe we can defeat him together.”

His eyes find mine, as if he’s begging for something to hold on to.  He’s pleading for hope, almost as much as I am.  “The two of us?  We wouldn’t be able to get past the Knights of Ren.”

“Maybe you can convince them to join us,” I suggest.  “We should spend our days here training.  You can teach me the Force, Ben.”

He gives me a weak smile at the thought.

“I’ll allow it, Ben.  I trust you,” I say, as I squeeze his hands.

He nods, and then releases my hands to roll off me, his back on the sand.  I watch him, as he places his hands behind his head, and stares up at the sky.  “The moons are coming out.  It’s beautiful,” he says.

I trust him.  But I don’t want to look away from him.  Our bond, the Force, and everything inside me tells me we can find the balance together.

I hope I’m not wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you ever think you'd actually want to hear the words, "Thank the Force Ben Solo did not become a Jedi"?  
> I hope you're enjoying my story! Leave me a quick note letting me know!


	9. Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. Life happens. I'm trying to write a novel that is not fanfic, looking for a real job, and also discovering La Femme Nikita. (Michael Samuelle is one conflicted character! But aren't they always the best?)  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I hope it was worth the wait!

I wake up in the middle of the night, to the sound of the waves crashing on the beach.  I remember fairly quickly where I am and why I’m here.  I left the door open so I could hear the sounds, with a door made of metal mesh to keep out any unwanted bugs or animals. 

But I don’t think that’s the reason I’m awake.  I hear something other than the waves, and it sounds like it’s on my balcony.  I wonder if there are predators on this planet that come out at night.  But Ben would have warned me, wouldn’t he? 

I sit up in the big, comfortable bed, and look out toward the sea.  I can see much more of the landscape than I expected to, maybe because of the two moons.  Suddenly I see a shadow, move across my porch, then disappear.  Faster than I thought I could, I slip onto the floor and run toward the door.  When I look out it, I find Ben standing on his deck, staring up at the night sky. 

I don’t think about what I’m wearing, which is a silky little nightgown in shades of green.  I open the door, walk out onto the balcony, and ask, “Are you okay, Ben?”

He nods, but he doesn’t turn toward me.  “I look at the night sky, and I wish they were just stars, and not planets and people.  I wish we were alone in the universe.”

“Just the two of us?” I wonder aloud, not sure if he can hear me over the ambient sounds around us.

He doesn’t answer.  I stand there silently for a moment, and take in the night sky. 

After a moment of silence, I tell him what I’m thinking.  “I used to look up at the night sky and hope that Jakku was not the only place in the galaxy.  I used to think about my parents being out there, searching for me.”

“I used to think about my parents searching for me too, but I wasn’t excited for them to find me,” he mutters.  Then he finally looks at me, and his dark eyes sparkle with emotion.  His bottom lip juts out.  I can see his perfect face clearly in the light of the moons.  “But I’m glad we found each other.”

That’s the moment I realize he’s standing there shirtless, and his white skin almost glistens in the light.  I stop breathing, and just gaze at him.  Everything else is forgotten. 

“What’s wrong, Rey?” he asks, almost innocently. 

I clear my throat, and return my gaze to the natural beauty surrounding us.  “What makes you think anything is wrong?” I respond.  But I can hear my voice is too high. 

“I feel you, Rey.  Even when the bond isn’t open I feel your emotions.”  He’s still looking at me, still shirtless.  And he’s looking at me like I should understand.  “Do you feel me?” he practically demands. 

I hadn’t really thought about it.  I’ve tried so hard to invade his mind, to take whatever scraps of his attention I can steal, I haven’t really thought about what I can do while he’s here.

And he is here, shirtless and completely gorgeous, with his wavy hair wispy around his face.  This is what I’ve wanted.  He walks toward my balcony, and I feel hot as if I’m ten feet from Jakku’s sun.  The heat is radiating from Ben. 

“Your first lesson, Rey, is to feel.”  My shoulders shiver at the change in his tone.  He sounds… seductive?  Is that even the right word?  Not that I’ve ever been seduced.  I’ve realized lately that there are tons of words I’ve read and know what they mean, but have never really had a reason to use.  

“Feel, Rey.  You’re thinking.”  His voice gets deeper as he steps closer. 

“How am I supposed to stop thinking?” I exclaim. 

Then he reaches out to me, and my first reaction is to move away.  I don’t know why, when I want him close. 

“Stop.  Stop thinking, Rey.”  He grabs my wrist, not gently, and I resist the urge to pull back.  I breathe deeply.  He’s shirtless, yea I can’t get over that, and my nightgown has tiny little straps at the shoulders, and there is so much of our skin showing.  His skin is touching my skin. 

Yes, I tried to get him to touch me while I was mostly nude before, but he didn’t.  Now he is.  I can’t remember the last time someone touched me so intimately, skin on skin.  It’s…

“Feel, Rey.”  His voice is deep, soft, almost hypnotic.  Hypnotic is another word that…  “Rey.”  He says my name as if it’s a magical word, or an oath. 

“Ben!” I cry out, as he brings my hand to his chest.  Suddenly I’m touching his skin.  Not just the spots on his face, or his scar, but his muscular torso.  His muscles feel as hard as metal, and at the same time his skin is as soft as…  I can’t think of anything.  His hand moves down my arm, and finds my shoulder.

I think we both gasp at the same time.  Touching and being touched is so much more exciting than I expected it to be.  Thrilling really.  I feel like I’m climbing up into a crashed Star Destroyer, like the air is getting thinner and warmer.  It’s getting harder to breathe.  My eyes roam upward to find his, as my hands move down his chest. 

He nods.  His eyes are darker than normal, and his pupils are huge.  “Can you feel what I’m feeling, Rey?”

Memories of Starkiller Base flash in my head.  I can almost hear Ben offering to teach me the force.  The look in his eyes, with the reflection of the light sabers making them look surreal.  I felt the air change as if it had become energized.  I felt the Force for the first time.  I felt it surround me.  No, that’s not true.  I felt it surround us, me and Ben. 

I feel the same energy now, in the waves crashing against the sand, in the flitters swimming in the water, in the moonbeams shining down on us.  I hear it on the breeze, in the sounds of the creatures of the sea calling out to each other.  I see it in his eyes.

“Ben,” I whisper.

His hand caresses my cheek.  The energy hums where we meet.  I feel it where his fingers touch me, and where I touch him.  Unexpectedly, I feel his heart beating in his chest.  Thump thump.  Thump thump.  I hear the air passing through his lungs. 

Abruptly he removes his hand, and steps away.  “When you can define something, or measure it, you can control it.  The strongest Force wielders can stop a person’s airflow and heart beat, because they can feel it.”  His voice isn’t quite as dark, or deep.  It’s very technical. 

I thought we were connecting on a different level.  But I realize this is just his first lesson.

I shake my head.  I almost don’t believe it. 

I move away from him, toward the door to my room.  As soon as I’m inside both doors close.  I turn quickly, thinking that he has closed them.  But he’s not there.

I did it.  I closed the doors without evening thinking it. 

I stare at the huge bed, where I should return and try to sleep. 

But I know I won’t.  I feel it now.  The Force.

And with that, I feel everything.

I close my eyes, and just _feel_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've created a Reylo, Are you happy? tumblr - tcotsao3. If you're on tumblr, stop by and say hello! Or say hello here!


	10. Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Kylo to face himself.

 

I remove my shirt, and use it to wipe the sweat off my brow.  I’d forgotten how warm it can get on this part of Corellia during this time in the rotation.  Or maybe I just didn’t care about the heat when I was little.  I couldn’t wait to get in the water, even though Chewie tried his hardest to keep me out of it.

I miss him.  I miss my best friend, my confidant.  He seemed to always be there, even when my parents weren’t.  Seeing Rey being so close to him breaks my heart.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so jealous in my life.

My feet hit the sand at almost the same beat as my heart.  I can’t remember the last time I ran with the sun on my face and the breeze against my skin.  Usually I do this in my private rooms, so no one will see me without my mask.  I feel almost naked.  And yet, it feels pretty good.  Maybe I could stay here.  I don’t understand why my father ever wanted to leave.

I run faster, as if I could escape thoughts of him.  As if he doesn’t haunt me.  As if I don’t think of him more now than I did before.

I shake my head, trying to clear out the thoughts of him.  But I know I can’t, and I never will.  Killing my father didn’t bring me the resolution I thought it would.  It didn’t cut him out of my life.  It brought him in closer, almost as if he’s still with me.

I look over my shoulder to make sure he isn’t actually there, and I trip on a piece of driftwood.  As I’m falling, a memory floods my mind.  It’s my dad, bending down to help me up.  I was small, chasing around like a terror on the Falcon even though my father warned me not to.  I fell and cut my knee, and my dad pushed Chewie out of the way to get to me.  I reached out to him, and he quickly scooped me up into his arms.  He held me close, and talked softly to me while he carried me toward the galley.  He tended to my knee, spraying bacta on it before bandaging it.  After he knew I was taken care of, he chastised me for running on the Falcon, and told me not to do it again.

I fall onto the sand, and roll over onto my side.  A new memory replaces that one.  A memory of darkness broken only by an eerie red light, and my father touching my face. 

A loud sob escapes my lips.  I’ve had to repress my feelings.  I’ve had to act like I was proud of killing Han Solo while I was on the _Finalizer_.  But now…

“No,” I whisper.  I can’t let the feelings form.  I can’t let them take shape.  Because then, they will overcome me.

He touched my face, and he looked at me as if he forgave me. 

Why would I ever come back here, where so many fond memories live?  Why did I bring her here, to his home planet? 

“No,” I say to the memories.  I can’t face them. 

I roll over onto my back.  The sand was not hard enough to hurt me.  I have no physical pain from the fall.  It’s all mental, and self-inflicted. 

If I had faced my father, my past, on that walkway and not killed him, it’s hard to tell what Snoke would have done. 

Snoke’s reaction doesn’t matter.  I would have lived through it.  I would have dealt with it, and I would have been fine.

It would have been better than I am right now.  I don’t know if I can live with myself, with the agony and self-doubt.  With the self-loathing.  I try to fight the tears along with the memories, but both win.  I feel the wetness spilling onto my cheeks.

“No!” I exclaim.  No, this is not my fault.  It was Snoke.  He caused all of it!

But I know that’s not true.  It was me.  I killed my father.  I touched the button, and caused the saber to pierce my father’s heart.  I watched him fall into the chasm, never to be seen again.  Not Snoke, me. 

I roll over onto my side again, wrapping my arms around my chest.  The tears flow easily now, there is no way to hold them inside.

“Nooooooooooo!” I cry out.  I can’t handle the torture.  Will I have to see this image replayed in my mind for the rest of my life?  Will I always be haunted?

“Ben!” 

Am I hearing things?  Do I hear my mother calling my name?  She sounds worried, and maybe a little frightened.  She can’t find me, though.  Not like this. 

“Ben!” I hear again, closer this time.  It doesn’t sound like Leia, though.  It sounds like…

“Ben, oh thank the Maker I found you!  Did you fall?  Are you hurt?”  The voice is unmistakable this time.  It’s Rey.  My hands immediately go to my face, to wipe at my tear stained cheeks.

Am I hurt?  Yes, I am destroyed by hurt.

“Yes,” I answer her.  But not by the fall.

She touches my shoulder, giving me a little nudge to roll me over.  “Let me see,” she encourages, her voice a little softer than normal.

I roll over onto my back again, and allow her to see me.  She looks me over with her keen hazel eyes, and finds no obvious damage.  “Ben, what’s wrong?  Did you break something?  Where are you hurt?”

I see the worry in her eyes, hear it in her voice.  She cares enough about me to feel anxious that I am injured.  I could give in to my humanity, just a little.  I could be honest with her.  She wouldn’t tease me, or taunt me like the others did when I was a teen.  No one would ever have to know that the sensitive young boy who cried out for his mother every night when he was abandoned to Jedi training, still yearned for someone to care for him.  No one but Rey would have to know that the fearsome Kylo Ren is still Ben Solo deep down.

“Ben?”  Her eyes seek mine, and when they meet she uses the Force to push against our bond.  I am overwhelmed by her warm, tender nature.  This young girl, who was also abandoned and raised herself in the harshest environment, has so much compassion. 

“Here,” I admit, as I place my hand on my heart.  “It hurts here.”  I hear my voice crack as I say it.

Unsure of what I mean at first, her hands move toward my bare chest.  She touches me gently, as if to find a sore spot.  “No, you seem fine.  I don’t think anything is broken,” she counters. 

“Only my heart,” I reply.  I don’t try to stop the tears this time.  Rey was there when it happened.  She will understand what’s wrong.  She has to.

She sighs loudly, and I hear her breathing catch.  “Oh, Ben,” she murmurs.  Then, she places one hand on my chest, gently.  “What can I do?”

“Hold me?” I ask, and extend my arms as if I’m again that little child, hoping for someone to heal the wound that I alone caused.

“Ben,” she whispers, as she lays her cheek against my heart, and wraps her arms around my waist.  I engulf her in my embrace, and begin to cry into her soft, dark hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long. Life has interrupted my writing. I hope the next update will not take as long.  
> Also, this chapter was a little harder than I expected it to be. I hope you enjoyed it! Please don't hesitate to leave me a message, telling me how you feel about it, and what I might do to improve my writing.  
> Thanks again!


	11. Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course the new trailer has stimulated my... uh... creative juices!  
> Enjoy!

There’s so much bare, warm skin under me. And the scent of him, his deodorant, mixed with his sweat and his natural odor, along with the salty sea air, intoxicates my senses. I can feel his sadness, and loneliness, as if they have made a home in my own heart.

“Ben,” I murmur. I say his name over and over again. I feel his strong chest against my cheek, and feel his heart pounding against it. It’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. And his skin is the softest material I’ve ever felt. His hands move upward, over the flimsy gown that I’m still wearing, and pull me roughly closer against him. Suddenly they’re in my hair, his fingers tangling themselves into the long flowing strands. Then I feel him angling my face up toward his, as his biceps move my torso until I am lying on top of his rock hard body.

His eyes are darker than ever, as if his dark pupils have smothered out the neighboring irises. His breathing is strained, and his muscles are tight. It’s as if everything inside him is rushing toward some kind of release.

I’m shocked when he flips me over, and I’m the one lying in the sand and he’s the one on top. His voice is a hoarse whisper when he speaks. “Don’t ever stop saying my name.” Then his mouth covers mine, and I can’t say anything.

I don’t think either of us is breathing now. His lips are moist, full, and insistent as they move against mine. His palms now caress my cheeks, his body so close yet somehow not heavy. And the Force, _kriff_ , is a deep, resonating, comforting hum that surrounds us.

I feel his tongue sweep against my bottom lip, and my body involuntarily shivers in response. Then I hear his thoughts inside my head, in the same deep husky tone he used earlier. _Open your mouth for me, Rey. Open up and let me inside you._

I inhale deeply, and part my lips. His tongue barges into my mouth, caressing and exploring at the same time. As the kiss becomes more intense, his grip on my cheeks moves down to my neck. His fingers are practically digging into my shoulders as he begs, _Please touch me, Rey. Touch me and heal me._

I am shaking again as my fingertips trace lightly over his ribcage, up his sides, to his wide back which is sprinkled with sand.

Our bond inches open, and I am overwhelmed by his need, and the strength of his desire. Not just that, but I know, I feel, they are for me and only me. He’s felt it since…

Oh, Force! That can’t be true.

_Don’t be afraid, Rey. Please don’t pull away. I promise I won’t go too far._

_Maker!_ He’s known I would come since he was a small child. He’s had dreams, or maybe Force visions, of me for decades. He’s been waiting to find me, all those long lonely nights he spent in his Spartan room on the _Finalizer._ It’s part of the reason he fought with his uncle during Jedi training. He didn’t want to pledge his life to the Jedi way, knowing that he could not touch me when he met me.

“Let me touch you, Rey. Love you. Hold you. I must be yours.” That’s not in my head. That’s his beautiful, magical voice telling me how he feels, how he’s always felt. I was so affected by his desire that I didn’t realize he was no longer kissing me. I’m afraid to open my eyes. I’m afraid of the passion I will see staring back at me. “Look at me, Rey, and tell me you don’t feel it too.”

I can’t, though. And my mind is bombarded with images of a young, magnificent little boy with ears too big for his face, and a gaze that held all the secrets of the world, fighting against his mother and father.

_Your uncle can help train you, to harness your power,_ Leia had tried to explain.

_Kid, we’re running out of nannies. They get scared when things spontaneously combust,_ his father chastised.

_I don’t want to be a Jedi. She won’t come to me!_ he argued, even as Chewie picked him up and carried him to the Falcon.

_Who?_ his mother demanded.

_The girl, the pretty one. She won’t come to rescue me if I’m a Jedi. I might not meet her!_

Leia stared at him, doubting him, as if he was telling her a fairytale. _You won’t need a pretty girl to rescue you when you become a Jedi_ , she countered. _You’ll be rescuing pretty girls. You’ll have all the pretty girls you can imagine, just like your dad._

_No, Mom. It has to be her!_ he cried out. But they wouldn’t listen.

Then all of the recent memories come crashing back as well. _What girl!_ he demanded, as the First Order officer explained what had happened on Jakku.

“You tortured me,” I remind him, still without looking at him.

“So Snoke wouldn’t know you were the one,” he assures me. “And I didn’t hurt you.” Is that supposed to make what he did to me seem somehow okay? “If I’m being honest with you, and I am being completely honest right now, I almost didn’t believe my fantasy had actually come to life. I was starting to think like my mom, like I’d make it all up in a child’s overactive imagination.”

I open my eyes, and his gaze is just as eager, fervent, as I feared it might be. And although he looks impassioned, his touch is extremely gentle when his fingertip grazes my cheek.

“You’ve been mine since I was a little boy. Snoke can never know the depths of my feelings for you.”

“I can understand why you didn’t want to be a Jedi. But why choose the dark side, Ben?” My emotions cause my voice to be raspy.

He closes his eyes, as if my doubt hurts him. “Darth Vader, my grandfather, turned to the dark side to protect my grandmother, Padmé. He was not strong enough to keep her alive. I must be stronger than him.”

He turned to the dark side, for me? I hear the exhaled breath escape my lips, and it sounds tortured.

“No,” I mutter.

“I made the choice, Rey. My actions are not your responsibility.”

“Please, let me up,” I say, and move my hands to his chest.

“The dark side is full of passion, and emotion. We are free of the repressive Jedi ways. We can love, and hate, and feel jealousy and…” I push against him, as hard as I can. He doesn’t budge an inch. “I feel everything, Rey. The Jedi wanted me to be a hard, cold, empty shell of a person.”

“I can’t think about this right now. Please, Be-“ I stop myself suddenly. I can’t even use that name right now.

“Skywalker couldn’t understand that I want to feel this way. I want to feel this way about you. I want to be yours, Rey.”

“No!” I cry out, and push him with the Force hard enough to send him sprawling against the sand on his back.

And when he’s on the ground, I take off running. I wish I’d stayed on Jakku. I am the reason that Kylo Ren has tortured, and killed, countless people. I am what made him Kylo Ren.

This can’t be possible. This is too much. I can’t…

I fall to my knees onto the sand. “No!” I scream out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What was strong enough to bring Anakin Skywalker to the dark side? Love.  
> What could possibly be strong enough to bring Ben Solo, full of light, to the dark side? Also love.  
> When he asked, "What girl!" with such ferocity, I knew he'd seen her before. And there had to be a reason he held Darth Vader up as some sort of demi-god.  
> Why not... LOVE?


	12. Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One more before bed. I watched the trailer a few more times, because I'm a masochist! Enjoy!

“Rey, wait,” I call out, and climb up off the sand.

“No!” she screams.

I search her out, expecting her to be half way down the beach by now. But she’s not far, kneeling on the sand, and clumps of it float around her. A wall of water waits to fall beside her, and as the tide moves in the wall grows bigger.

I exhale, and try to take a step toward her, but I can’t move. She’s holding me still with the force of her emotions, and she’s not even trying.

_She’s not even trying._

She’s lost control, and she doesn’t even realize it. If she continues, Maker only knows what might happen. “Rey!” I yell, but she doesn’t hear me. “Rey!” I call out louder. Is she ignoring me, or is she in a trance?

I reach out to her, through our bond. It’s the first time I’ve tried to get her attention through it. Usually I’m trying to avoid her, and I’ve grown pretty adept at it. But now, I need to contact her somehow. I close my eyes, and try to meditate like Skywalker taught me, to feel the Force. It isn’t hard to find our bond in the Force, it’s glowing brightly like her light.

I grab hold of it as if for dear life, and tug on it. _Rey, please listen to me._

I am desperate. I need her to open up to me. I need her to understand that none of this, nothing that I have done, is her fault.

I can’t imagine how she felt, all those days she was so lonely and needed me, and I denied her. I fought so hard against letting her in. I know how sad it made her, when Skywalker refused to train her, and my mother sent her away. I didn’t comfort her, and I should have. I was so afraid that Snoke might find out about her. About the secret I’d kept hidden away so deep, for so long. About why I needed to be stronger, darker, than Darth Vader.

_We can talk about it, Rey. Just listen to me!_

“What is it, Kylo!” she yells. She doesn’t open the bond. She calls me the name that Snoke gave me. It’s like she’s trying to rip out my heart.

_I need you to calm down. I need you to calm down and listen to me._

She stands up slowly, and turns to look at me. Her face has become a mask, with her anger and hurt evident there. Her eyes are dark, almost black. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she demands, as she takes a step closer to me. 

That’s when I notice that the wind isn’t blowing. I don’t hear the birds chirping, or the sea animals calling to each other. She’s created a vacuum around herself, and if she doesn’t calm down she might cause the entire planet to implode.

_I let fear dictate my actions. That was wrong, Rey. I should have told you from the first moment I saw you. Damn Snoke! We could have fought together, even if we had to fight the entire First Order!_

This makes her hesitate. And as she hesitates, her power weakens just a little. It’s enough that I can move, and I run to her. I stand right in front of her, even though she won’t look at me. So I crouch down a little, and try to catch her distant gaze.

“Rey, please hear me. Nothing that has happened is your fault. You are faultless, and flawless. You are perfection. You are my light.”

She allows the tension to fade from her muscles. Her eyes lighten, and her focus returns. I’m afraid that the wall of water will crash against us, but it gently recedes back into the sea.

She parts her lips, and I believe my name is on them. I can see she decides not to say it. She swallows hard. “I just need a moment,” she says, right before she crumples. I catch her before she hits the ground, and pull her against my chest.

I carry her easily back to the house, open the door to her room with the Force, and close it behind me when I’m inside. Then I lay her gently onto her bed. I look around, and wonder if she’s had anything to eat or drink today. She might have ran straight from her bed to join me on the beach.

Using that much power without eating or drinking, could cause her to become weak or even dehydrated. She’s untrained still, and obviously has very little control over the immense power flowing through her body.

When I asked for a house on the beach with a beautifully decorated master bedroom, I had no idea this is what I’d get. She’s surrounded by beautiful, hand crafted Corellian lace in a charming shade of light pink. The walls are the same sunset pink we witnessed last night. The room is very different from her dwelling in Jakkuu, and I’m sure the Resistance housing is not this luxurious.

I pull a chair closer to the bed, so I can keep an eye on her. And watch her I do. She is so achingly, breathtakingly beautiful, with her soft, feminine features, her full lips, and the freckles spattered on her nose and cheeks. Her skin is not as bronze as it was when I first met her. Her hair has been cut, and the thick chestnut waves brush against her shoulders. It is easy to forget while looking at her that she may be the most powerful person in the galaxy.

The desire that she experienced when our bond opened during our kiss is still there. It has almost been a constant feeling since I found her on Takodana. I know that I’ve wanted her for what feels like forever, and I could have just ran away with her when we were alone together on my shuttle. I chose a path that I thought would protect her, and perhaps I chose wrong.

We should discuss our path forward together, and we will as soon as she wakes up. I have to resist touching her. Although she allowed me to earlier, I would never just assume that she would say yes. I must do something other than watch her, because eventually I will want to trace the adorable spots on her pretty face.

I leave her room, but only long enough to use the fresher and change my clothing. I look in my bag at the clothes I brought with me. She’s right. They look like clothes that Han Solo would wear. Would have worn. That never doesn’t hurt.

I pull on a pair of tan pants and a beige shirt. Before I return to her bedroom, I use the comm pad to order our breakfast. When I step through her door, I notice that she is stretching out her arms over her head. I stop mid stride, and watch as her body moves. Her small breasts press upward, barely hidden by the green silky material of her nightgown.

Before she even opens her eyes, she opens our bond a sliver. _Stop perving on me, for Force sake!_

“I’m sorry,” I say, but my eyes do not leave her delectable body. I can see her nicely muscled legs between the gown at mid thigh and the blanket wrapped around her calves. And as my gaze travels up her thigh…

My eyes find hers as soon as she begins speaking. I’m transfixed by the depths I see in their hazel beauty. “I was stunned by what I saw earlier, and I shouldn’t have been. I know that there has always been something inside me. I’ve always felt different from everyone else, especially knowing I didn’t belong on Jakku. But I didn’t know what it meant, like you did from the time you were young.”

I open my mouth, but I have no words. What if my family had been uneducated about the Force? What if they thought I was some sort of demon, running around starting fires all the time? To even suggest Rey’s family didn’t know is unbelievable. Her accent is enough to make anyone think she came from one of the cultured, educated planets. Perhaps Coruscant, or maybe Mandalore. I can see my Rey as a beautiful Mandalorian warrior duchess.

I stop myself, because I don’t want her to read my thoughts.

“Come here, please,” she says. I again notice her posh accent. I move closer, but not close enough for her apparently. She motions toward the chair I vacated earlier. “Please.”

I sit in the chair, close enough that I can smell her, the sand and salt air on her skin, the scent of personal care products from her fresher use on her sheets. I didn’t notice these things earlier, probably because I was more worried about her well being.

“Stop thinking about my accent,” she says. I lick my top lip, but sit silently. I even attempt a frown. “You think you’ve heard it before. You’ve been a lot of places, so you probably have heard someone who speaks like me. But I’m not interested.”

Being this close to her, and not touching her, is slowly killing my self-control. I want to touch every inch of her skin. I want to be lying on top of her again, like I did on the beach earlier. I want every inch of her against every inch of me, while I’m kissing her senseless, and she’s using that noble accent of hers to tell me she wants more.

“I can read your thoughts,” she reminds me, with wide eyes and a blush on her cheeks.

“I know,” I reply, and lean forward in my seat. “Tell me you want it as much as I do. Tell me you’re not afraid of what’s between us.”

“I’m very afraid,” she admits, as her hand moves slowly from under the pillow, across the bed, and finally reaches out to me. I let my fingertips lightly brush the inside of her wrist, down her palm, to rest against the pads of hers. The Force hums around us. “You’re a very good kisser. You must have had a lot of practice.”

“You’ve seen inside my head. You know I haven’t had any practice,” I remind her. “I’m supposed to think of something witty to say, but I can’t think of anything except how your lips felt on mine.”

“You’re trying to distract me from my accent, right?” she murmurs.

“No, I really want to kiss you.” My fingers begin tracing a circle over her palm, and I watch as her shoulders shiver, and tiny goosebumps form on her skin.

She is about to say something, when the doorbell rings. I close my eyes, and groan. “Breakfast.”

“Go and get it, then bring it in here,” she says. I’m torn. I don’t want to leave her. But when she says, “Now, please,” I jump out of the chair and run toward the other room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo should express himself more often, instead of throwing tantrums. Maybe he'd actually get somewhere... Also, he might be a little whipped. Our scary dark prince of Ren is whipped, and it's adorable.


	13. Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the mind of Kylo Ren, we are again reminded of what the Jedi did to his family.  
> We see his twisted emo teen angst take on the most epic love story he'd ever heard, Anakin and Padmé.  
> And it is frightening, and romantic all at once!

**Kylo**

I bring Rey breakfast in bed. She’s already sat up and plumped the pillows behind her. She looks like she should always be waited on, pampered, her nose is even stuck up in the air a little. She is perfection, and I want her.

“Ben, you’re just standing there staring at me. If you’re going to ogle me, at least bring the food while you’re doing it.” She giggles. “And you know I can hear you thoughts.”

“I’m keeping my thoughts in check. Because if I really allowed my thoughts to wander…” I smile as I say it. I refuse to think anything that might actually embarrass her. But I want her to know that my desire is still there, always there.

“I know. Now please put one foot in front of the other, and bring that food to me. I’m starving!” I walk toward her, because I must do as she asks, and place the tray onto the bed. I watch as she drinks all of her juice, and all of her water, before she takes her first bite. How selfish of me. I should have thought about her dehydration and brought her an electrolyte.

“I’ll be right back,” I say. I head to the kitchen area, find several bottles of Corellian spring water in the fridge, and as I make my way to the bedroom I am contacted. I don’t get a message through the holo, I am summoned through the Force.

**_What progress have you made with the scavenger?_ **

It is Snoke. I knew this would happen eventually. I knew he wouldn’t leave me alone with her for long. But I wanted, needed, to be with her as a normal man for as long as I could.

_She is beginning to trust me,_ I reply.

_If you cannot seduce her, she will be brought to me. Remember that, Kylo Ren. You are not on vacation. You are on a mission, perhaps the most important of your life._

_Yes, Supreme Leader._ It is the only response I can give him.

When I am sure he is out of my head, as much as I can hide from him, I return to Rey. I put a smile on my face as I walk through the door. Then I am welcomed by the sight of the lovely girl, chewing bites of fried meat, while tugging tiny little blue fruits off their vine.

“Have you eaten this before? It’s delicious,” she says, with her mouth full.

“Yes,” I answer her, as I sit beside her on the bed. I place the bottle of water in front of her. “You should drink this.”

“Thank you, I’m so thirsty.” She takes the water with one hand, as she shoves the blue fruit past her lips with the other. I ache as I watch the tiny, normal movement. “Not everything is sexual,” she chastises.

"I view everything with you as sexual." 

Then she takes a fruit and places it against my lips. I part them, and suck it into my mouth along with the tip of her finger. She gasps loudly. I close my eyes, and continue to suck, enjoying her taste as much as her very vocal response.

“Ben,” she murmurs. I open my eyes to find her stunned by her reaction. I gently take her hand, and pull her finger away. But her nail drags against my bottom lip, and I am the one who shivers.

“Eat, Rey,” I say, as I place her hand on the tray. She’s obviously disappointed by my slight rejection. “We need to talk, Rey, and you need to eat to regain your strength.”

“You’re right,” she agrees, and tries to hide her mouth behind her hand as she pops more of the fruit into it.

“Rey, your training must begin today,” I tell her. She nods, and takes several more bites of meat. This is my favorite breakfast, and I’m happy she’s enjoying it. Maybe it will help ease the effect of what I'm about to show her. “There’s something I would like you to watch.”

I have all of the First Order resources at my disposal, and I found several files I thought she would find useful before I left to meet with her. I grab my data pad, and pull up the file. When I play it, the hologram jumps to life. I’ve watched it before, so I watch her reaction as it plays.

The voice is familiar to me, as I watched holos of him even before I began my training. Skywalker used his videos often to help train his Jedi students. _“The forms that are learned when we are younglings are good for when we first begin to train with our sabers. But as we progress in our training, we should also become more skilled with our weapons.”_

He begins to move with the light saber, and it responds with barely a flick of the wrist. _“Watch and learn. One, two, three, four…”_ His movements flow thoughtlessly, effortlessly. His form is perfect. When I was a small child, I would pick up the wooden saber my father had bought for me, and emulate his training exercises.

My parents, and my uncle, looked up to him as if he were part of the family. I was his namesake, even though I never met him.

_“And we do it again. We plant our feet, but remain ready to move at all times. Our shoulders should be loose, our eyes constantly searching for danger. And always depend on the Force. It is our greatest ally and most important weapon.”_

Rey is transfixed, her eyes glued to the image of the young, handsome Jedi. When he was older he always wore a beard. But this holo was recorded when he was young, and clean shaven. When the recording ends, she turns to me with tears in her eyes.

“Play it again, please,” she requests.

“There are others....” I begin, and touch the data pad.

She blinks away tears, and her expression becomes hard. “Play it again,” she orders, in the same haughty, controlled tone of voice the Jedi used, in nearly the same accent.

I touch the screen, and the hologram comes to life. Her hand goes up to cover her mouth again, as it is now hanging open. She stares at it ardently. She can’t look away. When it finishes for the second time, she looks to me again, as if to ask me to replay it. Instead, she brushes the pad off the bed, and it tumbles onto the carpeted floor. It is probably undamaged, but I am not interested in a piece of technology. My ultimate concern is the girl who tossed it aside.

“I told you not to do that to me ever again,” she asserts, loudly, and storms off the bed. The tray of food teeters on the edge, and I rescue it before it falls as well.

“I don’t have time to coddle you any longer. I need us both on the same page.” I turn to watch her reaction. I’ve suspected it for some time, and now I’m almost certain.

She moves toward the closet, and begins throwing the pretty dresses I bought her onto the floor. “Where are my clothes?” she demands. Her voice is so much like his it’s mind-blowing.

I jump off the bed, and hurry to her side. “Rey. Talk to me. We need to communicate with each other if we are going to be a team. It’s important…”

“I heard his voice,” she begins, and abruptly becomes very still.

“When?” I question her. She refuses to look at me. “Rey. You can’t shut me out. You need to trust me. Please trust me.”

“When I picked up Anakin Skywalker’s light saber, I had a vision. It overpowered my senses. You were there, and…” She’s silent again. She’s obviously stunned by the thought that she might have finally discovered her family.

“I was in your force visions as well?” I try to guide her through what she’s dealing with inside her head.

“Watch,” she offers, and opens her mind to me completely again. I see the vision as if I’m living it myself.

_She is in a corridor running toward the sound of a child in distress. She hears Yoda’s voice. Yoda! Then she falls roughly to the ground, and sees Skywalker with his droid, R2-D2, in front of the academy as it burns to the ground._ I cannot, must not dwell on that memory! _Suddenly she is kneeling by a guard, as a red light saber plunges through his chest. He falls to the ground in front of her._

Oh, Maker! I’ve seen this. There were countless times Rey visited me in my Force visions. This instance was one of them. She was there with me! I did not just see her, but I shared it with her! We face each other in the rain. I am with the Knights of Ren. I walked toward her, and suddenly she disappeared.

_Then she hears the child again, and turns to see that it is her younger self, being abandoned to the care of a monster on Jakku. She sees the ship as it leaves._ I’ve seen it somewhere before.

_Next, she is in the woods surrounding Starkiller Base. Obi Wan calls to her by name! She runs through the woods at full speed, and I appear to her again, red light saber drawn. I look so intimidating to…_

My heart is pounding, my breathing rapid, as I feel the fear she felt when she faced me in her vision. Abruptly it ends, but not before Obi Wan speaks to her again, telling her, _These are your first steps._

“Obi Wan?” she whispers, pulling me out of her mind. I can see her again, standing in front of me, with the same expression I must be wearing mirrored on my face. “Obi Wan Kenobi?” she demands.

I cannot speak after what I witnessed. There are no words to describe my emotions. Yoda spoke to her. Obi Wan Kenobi spoke to Rey!

“Is he my father?” she asks innocently. When I can't answer her, she becomes more demanding, louder, and I feel the Force crackling around her.

I need to answer her. I must placate her to keep her from burning down everything around us. “I believe he would have been dead before you were conceived, sadly.”

“But I heard him,” she reminds me.

“He could have been your grandfather, I suppose. He was in love with a Mandalorian duchess named Satine Kryze.”

“Could have been?” She shakes her head in disbelief. She swallows hard to fight off the tears that are still threatening to fall. “He either did or he didn’t.”

I take a deep breath to attempt to steady my emotions. My voice shakes, and my heart hurts, as I begin the story of how Luke and Leia were ripped away from their father. “This is why I turned away from the Jedi, Rey. I have a story to tell you. Once upon a time, there was a man named Anakin Skywalker, and he fell in love with the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. He had to hide it though, because the Jedi were not allowed to form attachments. Her name was Padmé Amidala, and she had his children but he didn’t know until they were both adults. When they were born, they were spirited away, hidden from him by his former friend and Jedi Master…” I can't continue. It's too painful. The implications for us, for our feelings for each other, are unfathomable.

“Obi Wan Kenobi,” she finishes, wide eyed. She understands the meaning behind what I said. Luke must have taught her about his family, my family. She must know that Anakin turned against Obi Wan.

“Also known as Ben Kenobi.” I can’t hide the anger I feel for what he did to my family.

“You were named after the man who kidnapped your mother and uncle?” she asks, incredulously.

“Yes!” I spit out, and move to retrieve the data pad. I pull up more files to show her. I’ve viewed these images many times, of Anakin Skywalker and his awkward attempt to hide his feelings for Senator Amidala.

They comforted me all the nights I sat alone, waiting for my Rey. I knew that I could have the same kind of perfect love that Anakin and Padmé had, with Rey. I was determined to finish what he started, a love stronger than the galaxy had ever seen before. And I was determined to do everything in my power to have it. Everything.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our poor gorgeous emo Prince Awkward. All he wants is love, and he'll do exactly what his grandfather did to get it...  
> Please, Rey, save us from emo Ben, aka Kylo Ren.


	14. Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm more tired than I should be, so I'm going off to bed, and I apologize in advance if this sucks. :)

**Rey**

I cry while sitting in the warm water inside the fancy tub in the bathroom. I’ve never experienced a bath before. It is extremely relaxing, enough to evoke more feelings than I expected.

Our fates have been entwined for generations. If I am a Kenobi. Rey Kenobi. No, that’s not my name. I had a different name, I’m sure of it. I’m afraid of it. Why am I so afraid to dig into my own past?

It can’t be as bad as being left for dead by your best friend, before he steals your children and hides them from you. Or can it? If I am a Kenobi, anything is possible.

If I am a Kenobi, Ben will hate me. No wonder he changed his name. How could his parents name him after the man who betrayed Leia’s father?

I can never call him Ben again.

I move lower into the water. It is up to my neck, touching my chin. It seems so easy to let the tears flow here, being so deep in so much water already. There is so much I don’t understand. Why are the Jedi held in such high regard, if they didn’t allow their members to fall in love. It’s inhumane to expect people not to feel.

I can’t imagine how I would feel if I had trained in the Jedi tradition, and I’d met Ben. Kylo. I couldn’t have just turned off the emotions that are raging through me, the curiosity, no the yearning to test the softness of his hair and his lips, the strength in his arms and shoulders. I wouldn’t have wanted to. I like the way I feel when I’m with him. I enjoy the way he looks at me, with desire and need to - to possess me. My heart melted over the kiss we shared. If someone had told me it was wrong, I would have rebelled too. I would have fought. I would have burned everything to the ground for the chance just to sit next to him and listen to him speak in his odd accent with his deep, rich voice.

That’s definitely a change from when I was shooting at him just because he appeared in front of me in the woods.

I’ve pushed him away because I’m afraid of him, but I want him more than I thought I could want anything. He’s still a First Order officer yes, and a dark side wielder, but I’m sure I can change that. When I am with him, the Force makes my entire body feel like it’s soaring, or floating, like I’m too light for even gravity to hold me down. It can’t be wrong, if the force wants us together.

But what if he hates me now that he believes I was born from Kenobi blood?

I have to somehow convince him that I’m not a bad person, that I don’t want to hurt him. I have to make him believe that I…

That I what? That I care about him? That I want him? That I…

I might be falling in love with him?

Could he have sat patiently on some deserted planet, alone with his thoughts while he waited for me to mature? Perhaps he could have hid out on Jakku, and burned the planet down when Unkar Plutt cheated me. Both of us together on a planet with a small population, our power would have attracted Snoke like a beacon. I understand it might have been harder to elude him alone, but why did he have to join him?

Knowing all the terrible things he’s done. How he’s tortured and killed people. But he did it all for me. Everything he’s done, he did to be with me. Should I hate him for it? I know I shouldn’t take responsibility for it, but should I condemn him for it?

I need to decide, here and now, if I want to be with Kylo. Assuming he still wants me of course. I can’t join Snoke, and I won’t move to the dark side, but I will allow him to teach me. And I will allow him to kiss me, if he still wants to. I’ll let him do whatever he wants.

I stand and exit the bath, and wrap up in a towel. There’s another word I never thought I’d use. I wonder what he would do if I walked into his room like this, and let the rectangular cloth drop onto the floor. I don’t have that kind of courage.

I brush my hair, and use the machine to dry it. I decide to leave it long and flowing around my shoulders. Then I pick one of the dresses that a droid must have hung back up when it made my bed. It is in the same style of the pink dress I wore to stroll on the beach with him, but in varying shades of aqua blue. Then I leave my room, and search the house for him.

As I am about to open the door and scan the beach, I hear movement in his room. I’ve just about lost my nerve to join him when I hear him inside my head.

_Please come in, Rey._

Then I hear the door to his room open, and when I look over at it he’s not standing there.

 _Show off!_ I reply. But still, I walk up to the door and stand just outside the entrance.

He’s framed by the sliding doors that lead out to the deck. The beautiful beach, crystal blue sky, and aquamarine ocean lose their appeal when Kylo Ren is standing in front of them. He’s facing away from me, and he’s shirtless, only wearing some kind of tight white shorts that only cover from the top of his round rear to the tops of his thighs.

Oh, Maker, is he only wearing his undergarments?

His back is just as perfect as his front. His shoulders are so big they nearly span the width of the doors. His hands are on his hips, and his back seems to expand out almost as wide. This all somehow makes his waist look impossibly small, and his rear…

“You know I can read your thoughts, Rey,” he teases.

“Ugh!” Yes, I said the same thing to him earlier, but there’s literally no reason for him to be standing there in just a pair of white… I don’t know what men even call them!

“I could feel your doubts and your fear while you were in the bath. I want you to know that…” At this moment he turns toward me, and my eyes immediately fly toward his face. “I am not angry at you because of Ben Kenobi. I don’t want you to be afraid when you’re with me, not of me or of anything else. I will protect you, Rey.”

I take a deep breath and glare at him for a moment.

“Not that I think you will need to be protected because Maker, Rey, you are ferocious.”

I look away, and I feel my face turning blood red, but I'm fighting a smile of pride. _The Master of the Knights of Ren called me ferocious!_

“And I want you Rey. I want everything. I want your light, and your anger. I want you in your tunics or dresses. I want you in buns, or with your glorious hair flowing all around you.” I look at him now, and the sincerity in his expression is awesome and scary at the same time. But even if I couldn’t read it on his face, I can feel it in his soul. His desire practically radiates from him.

“I’m not going to touch you, or coerce you into doing anything you don’t want to do. But you must know Rey, I am here for you. When you are ready, I am eagerly waiting.”

I take a step toward him. He’s speaking of me touching him so casually, but I’m finding it difficult to even look at him. I’ve seen him without a shirt, and touched his skin, when he fell on the beach. And yet, I cannot bring my eyes any farther down than his full pouty lips. They always seem to stop and linger there, anyway.

“Would you, though?” I wait for his answer, and when he doesn’t my gaze searches for his. I am amazed yet again at how far back I must tip my head to do it. He is not shy or embarrassed by his yearning for me. His eyes are taking in every inch of me, as if they’re willfully searching out each patch of bare skin. When he finally arrives at my face again, they are big, and dark, and as passionate as his temper. “Touch me, and kiss me, if I ask you to.”

He moves closer to me, but not close enough that I can reach out and touch him. No, he wants me to come to him.

“I would do my best to give you whatever your heart desires, especially if that desire is me.” That might be the most romantic statement I’ve ever heard. Coupled with that voice that could melt stone, it would be hard to deny him anything. When his voice takes that dark, husky tone my knees get weak. “Yes, I will touch you, and kiss you, and make love to you if you ask. Just ask, Rey. Please.”

I open my mouth to ask him, and I stumbled over the first word that wants to come out of it. His name. Do I call him Ben? Kylo? Does he prefer Ren?

“Rey,” he prompts. I nod. “Come to me, and ask me.”

I take that last step, and reach out my hand. His skin is soft, but the muscle underneath is as hard as granite. I’m touching his… I think it’s his stomach, and it is kriffing hard and tight! “Please, Kylo, touch me.”

As I say it, my eyes stray downward, past his neck which seems to be straining, his chest which is rising and falling in a hurried pace, to where my hand touches him. His stomach is rippled, the muscles so defined my fingertip could dip into the crevices and trace the lines.

“Kylo?” I whisper, and look up again. He looks confused, as if he’s offered something he realizes he can’t give me. Is his lack of experience troubling him? I hope he doesn’t back out now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo. Ben. Ren. Whatever you want to call yourself. It's time to put up, or shut up. We are down to the nitty gritty, like you're down to your skivvies. They have to be white. Deep down, Kylo is still Ben, and Ben wears white underwear, even if they are boxer briefs.


	15. Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _We have arrived at their destination._  
>  But it's just a layover, a pit stop. It's definitely not the final destination, but we've taken a big step.  
> If you aren't ready for that, turn back now!  
> If you're ready, Ben is DEFINITELY ready. Rey, not so much. :)
> 
>  
> 
> **ENJOY!**

**Kylo**

Her heart rate sped up, and her breathing became shallow, as soon as she saw me. I know that she wants me, but she is just as inexperienced as I am. Or maybe she’s less experienced, because I have at least watched holovids, and pleasured myself. I have an idea of what is supposed to happen, but I’m not sure that Rey does.

It’s exciting that we will get to experience this together, as it should be. I’ve waited decades for her, and weeks since I finally found her. I have her now, and I finally have her consent to do all of the things that I’ve wanted to do. I will be allowed to teach her, not only to use the Force, but also sexually. There are so many things that I want to try, and we will do all of them. And then we’ll do them all again.

She tipped a balance, though, when she called me Kylo. She’s only called me Ben up until now, as a way of getting under my skin. So hearing the name of the Knight of Ren touches something inside me, the deep seated feral side of me that I’ve worked hard to keep in check when I’m with her. But I’m tired of keeping myself in check. I’ve had to control myself since I was young. I’ve been told to control my powers, control my anger. Since Snoke has been my master, I’ve had to control my feelings of independence and free will.

But with Rey, I will not have to keep myself under control. She is strong enough to take everything I will give her, and while I train her I will make her even stronger.

I wrap her hair in my hand, to jerk her pretty face back so that I can kiss her.

“Maker, Kylo!” she exclaims. In the back of my mind I wonder if my thoughts have scared her. But she’s not reading my thoughts. She’s too busy reading my body. And when her hand moves slightly to the left, I can feel she’s examining the scars. “How are you walking around? You were running this morning. How?”

I hear it in her voice. I feel it rolling off her. My desire has ebbed a little, and what is left is detestable. I hate myself that I am almost naked in front of her now. I wish I’d found a different way to show her my need for her. I allowed myself to be vulnerable to her, and this is what I get in return.

I pull on her hair, and she gasps as her head pops back. Her eyes are wider than I’ve ever seen when she looks at my face, and sees my displeasure. “You may love me or hate me. You can fear me or loathe me. But never, ever, think you can pity me.”

“Kylo, I…” she begins. But I swoop down and steal her words with my mouth.

As my tongue barges past the barricade of her lips, she sends out a feeling of uncertainty. _Kylo, please slow down._

I hold her head back with my forceful kiss, and allow my hands to find hers. I feel her heart rate spike as I grab her wrists. She tries to wriggle away, but I easily overpower her. I have both her slender wrists in one of my hands, and use the other to tear the top of the sexy dress.

I hear her cry out when the fabric tears, but suck in her noises as I lure her tongue into my mouth. I suck it roughly until she groans.

Her breasts are exposed, and finally I can explore her body the way I’ve wanted to for so long. My palms and my fingertips test the softness and firmness of her skin and the muscles underneath it, beginning at her neck. She moans as my tongue massages hers, while my hand moves down to her shoulder. She’s all long muscles and sharp bone, and the feel of her, along with finally being able to experience it, is making me even more aroused.

At this point I don’t know if her responses are from fear, or desire. The only thing I can read inside her mind, the word that echoes through it, is my name. _Ben. Ben! **BEN!**_

And there is only one word I can form as well, to describe the feelings that are threatening to annihilate my sanity, and the strong grip of control I’ve had on myself for years. _Mine. Mine. Mine! **MINE!**_

I lift her off the ground, as my hand moves down the slope of her small breasts. We move toward the bed, the two of us, me through the force of my feet, and her through the force of my thoughts. If I could see her right now, if there were any stronger assault on my senses, I’m afraid of what might happen.

I release her wrists, but they remain behind her back. I don’t know if it’s her will or mine. Does it even matter at this point?

I free her mouth, momentarily, to lay her onto the bed. When her head is on the pillows, I take her arms from under her body, and place them over her head. She clasps her hands together, and holds on tight.

“I don’t pity you, Ben. I’m just shocked by how strong you are. You’re…” I lift my pointer finger to my lips, and she immediately becomes quiet. I remove my underwear, letting them drop to the floor. She gasps loudly, and her eyes are huge as she stares at my manhood.

“You consent, correct? I will not force you against your will,” I reinforce.

“Ben, I’m afraid. You’re so…” Her heartbeat is erratic. Thoughts are racing through her head now. _Will it hurt? Will he be gentle? Will he want me after he’s taken my virginity? What if he impregnates me?_ “You’re so strong, Ben.”

“Do you consent, yes or no?” She looks away momentarily. “I will hurt you, but I will be gentle too. I will always want you. And yes, I will impregnate you. Maybe not right away, but we will have children. Because you are mine, Rey. I thought you understood that.”

She exhales a ragged breath. Perhaps I should show her some of the holovids I’ve watched. She doesn’t know that sex can be pleasurable. Or does she? She threatened to touch herself while trying to get my attention. Maybe she has…

“I know you’re afraid, because it is unknown. There’s only one way to find out. Consent, sweetheart. Give yourself to me, and I promise I will care for you more than I care for myself. But I can’t promise you it won’t hurt.”

Her eyes rake over my body again, stopping only briefly at the many scars I have. She eyes my cock, such a crude word, and her mechanically inclined mind immediately asks, “Will it fit?”

I try not to laugh. “People have had sex since people existed, Rey. If it didn’t feel good, if it didn’t fit, there would be no people.”

She thinks about that argument for several moments. Then she nods. “I consent.”

I grin, like I haven’t smiled in years. I have her. I have her, and no force in the galaxy will take her from me. “Mine.” I say it, because I can. “You are mine, Rey.” She nods. “Say it.”

“I’m yours, Ben.”

I reach out, and remove the remains of the silky top. Her breasts thrust up toward my hands as her back bows off the bed. Then I tug at the bow that holds her skirt on her hips. It falls away, and I pull it from under her hips and toss it onto the floor as well. The contrast of her skin, how parts are tanned by the sun and other parts are white as ivory fascinates me. Then I notice how her ribs and hip bones stick out, and her stomach slopes in, showing that she was malnourished for most of her life.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you,” I whisper, as I trace my fingertips back and forth over her strong thighs. “But you will want for nothing as long as I live.”

I sit on the bed beside her, so I can reach all of her. I position myself on my knees, by her right hip, and place my palms on her stomach. My big hands easily span her midsection.

“This is where our baby will grow.” I hear hope mixed with confidence in my own voice, and it shocks me. I am stunned at how my life has fallen into place. She is my future.

I glance up at her, and she doesn’t seem as afraid. Her hands are still above her head. “Are you okay?” I ask. She nods.

My palms move slowly up her rib cage, which is too pronounced. “You need to eat desserts, and lots of them, sweetheart.” She scoffs lowly. Then my hands engulf her small breasts. I feel her tiny nipples, hard and tight. “You will nurse our babies with these breasts, but for now they are mine.”

I bend forward, and lap my tongue against one, while a fingertip circles the other. This is an erogenous zone, so it should stimulate her. My eyes watch her face, and my thoughts are tuned to hers.

_Ben. Yes. Please. There._

“You can say it aloud, sweetheart. No one will hear you but me, and I will enjoy it more than the finest music.”

I suck the sensitive bud into my mouth, while flicking the other with my nails.

“Yes, Ben. Yes. It feels so good,” she murmurs, in a tone that almost matches the hum of the Force. Touching her skin feels almost like being too close to the hilt of my saber, but the sensation is not enough to make me want to stop.

As I suckle on her sensitive skin, my hands move down again, over her side, to grab her hips. They lift up off the bed, and her legs spread as if she knows what’s coming next. I take it as my cue, and move to position myself between them. My erection brushes the soft hairs of her mound, and a shiver of pleasure consumes my entire body. I’m so close to finally having her, the anticipation aches but I want her to be as ready as she can be.

I hear a pop as I pull away from her breast, and gaze up into her eyes as my fingers find the soft hairs.

“You’re mine,” I remind her, before I take her mouth again. Both of us shake as I encounter the skin hidden under it, and rub slowly up and down until I find her slick, warm sex. The bond hums darker, lower, and she groans into my kiss. She thrusts her tongue past my lips this time, and her hips buck up into my body. I feel her pelvic bones bump against mine, and my finger dips down and slides inside.

_Yes, there._ Her thoughts melt into nothing but feelings. Pleasure, anticipation, apprehension, and excitement. While my finger moves in and out, her hips wriggle causing my erection to rub against her skin. It’s good, but it’s not enough.

She’s wet. She’s excited. But I’m not sure she’s ready to take my large member. I add another finger, and her moans become grunts as her hips begin to move up and down in a certain rhythm. I realize after a moment it’s the rhythm of our bond.

_Yes, Ben._ Her muscles, which were already tight, somehow get even tighter around my fingers. _Yes. Yes._ I add another finger, and her legs spread wider but her muscles become even tighter.

I’ve been good, tried to prepare her, and held my desire back for her benefit. But I’ve reached my limit. I can’t wait any longer.

I align my cock with my three fingers that are inside her, and as I slip them out I push my member into her. The head isn’t even in yet, and she’s already gasping and pulling away. I feel the sharp pain deep inside her, as if her most sensitive area is being torn.

But I also feel her heat and tightness surround me. I’ve touched myself, but I was not prepared for how snug she would feel around me, how every inch of skin that’s inside her is stimulated.

_Ben!_ She’s afraid again.

_I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry._ I return to her breasts as I press deeper into her. She liked that, it might soothe the pain.

_Ben!_

She relaxes a little, but her fear has only grown as I push a little farther in.

_Just do it and get it over with!_

I thrust in all the way, and we both cry out for different reasons. It is the most incredible feeling having all of me inside her, taking her virginity, knowing that I will be her first, her last, her only. For her, it is a sharp, quick, stabbing pain that fills her to the core. The bond no longer hums, it screeches.

Why can’t this moment feel as pleasurable, as all encompassing for her as it does for me? _It’s not fair! It’s not kriffing fair!_

_No! No! No!_

I pull away from her mouth to pepper kisses over her cheek, ear, and neck.

“Why?” she cries out.

“It will only hurt the first time, sweetheart. Breathe, and try to relax. Think of something pleasant,” I suggest.  


“Something pleasant would be not doing what you’re doing!” she counters.

“But you liked it earlier,” I remind her.

“I don’t now!”

As badly as I wanted this, I now feel more like a failure than any other time. I feel more defeated than when I lie on my back at Starkiller Base, bleeding and torn apart. Because this time it is Rey who is hurt, and not because of a fight but because of my pleasure, my desire. I slowly pull out, and my erection betrays my shame. It is still hard as a rock, and now slick with her blood.

“I’m sorry,” I say, and move away from her.

_No! He can’t be leaving me! He hurt me, and now he’s running away!_ She rolls over onto her side and pulls herself up into a ball. I hear her faint sobbing as well as I hear her sadness.

Instead of running to the fresher to clean the evidence of what a disappointment I am, at all things including sex, I lie down beside her, and curl myself around her tiny body. I wrap my arm around her waist, and pull her closer. This one I didn’t see in a holovid. This one I saw with my own eyes. My father often wrapped my mom up like this, and my mom seemed to be most content when she was in his arms.

“I’m sorry. I hope it won’t feel that way again.” I kiss her shoulder, before I bury my face in her hair.

“Again?” she squeaks out. “No! Not again!”

“Perhaps your first bit of teaching should have been reading up on the subject. I promise it can be very pleasurable for women,” I assure her.

“How can you know! You’re a man!”

“That is true, but I felt your pleasure when my fingers were inside you.”

She nudges my side with her elbow, and I chuckle. “Yes, that felt good, until you tried to split me in two with that monster between your legs!”

“A baby will fit through, I’m sure you will get used to my cock,” I mutter. I’m only slightly teasing.  


“I will not have a baby, then. And I will not have your cock, either,” she huffs.

Her snobby accent can make anything sound classy, even that crude word. I giggle, and the offending instrument in question flexes against her lower back. “Say it again,” I urge.

“No!” But she giggles too. And when she does, my fingers begin to explore her skin again. “Ummmm…” she moans, and the bond echoes her sounds.

Perhaps I can bring her to that point where she is just as full of desire as I am again. And maybe it will be easier.

“No!” she exclaims again.

But I can feel that she likes being touched, and I can feel the muscles between her legs reacting. I promised I wouldn’t coax her. I lied. She will consent to do it again, or I will die trying!

“Ben, I know what you’re thinking,” she comments, with a chuckle.

“I’m not thinking anything, except how soft and luscious your skin is, sweetheart.” I begin to kiss the back of her neck, just as my finger finds her nipple again. “I was thinking how marvelous you taste. How thick your hair is, and how good it smells.”

“Ben.” Her enjoyment is evident in her voice. “That feels so good,” she admits.

“Yes, it’s supposed to.” Her body melts against mine, and her hips begin to squirm against my thighs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Rey. But I promise, it will only get better from here.  
> And Kylo, he just seems so upset, but he knows it had to happen.  
> (Dude, if you're penis was average, it wouldn't have hurt so bad! But you know what they say, big hands, big feet, big ears, big nose... big cock!)


	16. Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're getting it on again, because the first time wasn't quite right.  
> You'll eventually get it right. We have faith in you!

**Rey**

 

“Ben,” I whisper. 

“Yes, sweetheart?”  His voice reverberates around me, and inside me.  Is it his voice, or the Force, or the bond, or all three?  Is there any way for me to possibly know?

“Will you just put your finger in?”  I feel the same need I felt earlier, like there is an ache inside me and only he can soothe it.  He brushes my arm lightly, and my nipples, which I somehow just discovered can be so sensitive, get hard and yearn for his touch.  When he touches my nipples, my insides get tight and wet.  And when he kisses my neck, and murmurs in my ear with his perfect voice, I feel like he has to be inside me or I’ll wither away into nothing.

He gently moves his hand down my side, over my hip, to my rear.  At the same time, his other hand finds mine under the pillow, and grabs hold of it tightly.  The energy around us is in accord, humming deep and rich. 

“You’ve never done this?” I ask, as he moves his legs slightly away, and I feel his fingertips brushing against my thighs. 

“No,” he replies, as his fingers move upward, to find the sensitive skin that is aching for his touch. 

“How do you know exactly what I like?”

He snickers, and leaves kisses along my shoulder as his finger dips inside, and I feel every nerve ending inside me light up.  “Because I feel it, Rey.”

His hips begin to move, and I feel the monster between his legs slick against my lower back.  My hips are moving in the same rhythm, urging his finger deeper, and faster.  I feel breathless, like it’s the end of the day on Jakku and I’m riding my speeder as fast as I can toward Niima Outpost.  

“Another,” I encourage. 

“Yes, Rey,” he answers, and another finger joins the one already inside me.  His voice is just as breathy as mine.  I’ve been so focused on my own desires, and the pain he inflicted, that I forget I can feel what he’s feeling as well. 

_I need her.  I kriffing need to be inside her.  Why did I have to hurt her?  What am I doing wrong?_

“You’re not.  It’s so good.”  He needs to know he’s not doing anything wrong.  It feels so right.  I’m speeding toward something.  I don’t know what.  “Help me, Ben.”

He stops kissing, and his finger stops moving.  But my hips are moving enough to compensate.  “I’m sorry.  What’s wrong?”

_I should have done this.  I should know what I’m doing.  I’m fumbling around, and I’m useless to her…_

“There’s something.  I feel it might happen.  Help me make it happen.”

“Oh…”  It’s a moan from deep inside him.  His hips thrust roughly against me.  “It’s an orgasm.”  His hand releases mine, and moves toward my center.  “Hook your leg over mine,” he instructs. 

_Please let this be right.  I don’t want to disappoint her again.  I don’t want to hurt her._

I move as he asked, so that my legs are slightly spread again.  His two fingers don’t feel as rough inside me.  His fingers from his other hand are rubbing against the hair there, then lower, and everything inside me jerks. 

“Ben!” I cry out loudly.

“There it is,” he murmurs against the skin under my ear.  Quickly he nips at my earlobe, as he flicks at the nub again.  My muscles reflex, and tighten.  My legs try to come together, but he stops them so that he can reach the spot that is making me…

_“Ben!”_ I yell.  I hear something break, as if a glass shatters in the distance. 

“Come for me, sweetheart.”  The word doesn’t mean what it’s supposed to mean, but I understand it.  I am coming toward something, even though I don’t know what it is.

My hips continue to rock, as do his.  I hear wood creaking, and metal scraping together.  I feel his need calling out to me.  But I’m so close to this orgasm. 

“So close Ben.  Just a little farther.”

I feel myself splinter, like I’m coming apart.  I hear glass breaking. 

Then I feel his teeth find my shoulder, and bite down hard.  His cock again replaces his fingers.  But as I am already in two, it doesn’t hurt.  Not like it did before anyway.  It feels… I feel not undone, but together.  I feel whole.

“Yes, Ben, yes!”  My hips move with his, welcoming him deep inside me.

He’s grunting against the skin of my shoulder he’s sucked into his mouth. 

_Rey.  Mine.  Rey.  Mine.  Rey is mine.  Rey_ is _mine!_

“Again, Ben.  I’m coming again!” I call out.  I feel too much.  _Joy.  Ecstasy.  Bliss.  Yes!_

He pulls away suddenly, and my skin pops out of his mouth.  No, of course he doesn’t feel the same thing I do.  _Shame.  Longing.  Hurt.  Not now.  Not yet!_   Then I feel his cock against my back again, and something wet spurting against my skin.

“Rey,” he moans, and wraps both his arms around my waist and holds me tighter.  “Did it hurt this time, sweetheart?”

I giggle, because I still feel all the same emotions I felt when he was inside me, just a little less.  “You were right.  It didn’t hurt me.”  I snuggle against him, placing my arms over his, and weaving our fingers together.  “But I think it hurt you.”

“No, not even a little,” he whispers.  But I know he’s lying.

“I feel what you feel, Ben.”

He shakes his head, and drags his full lips against my skin.  “Not pain.  I want to do it inside you, but I can’t yet.”

“Isn’t there some kind of birth control?  Something was mentioned…”

I close my eyes, and shut down the bond immediately.  I almost gave away the location of General Organa’s base.  I hadn’t even thought of his mother, my friends, since I’d come to this magical place.  Had he brought me here to learn their location?  Or, Maker forbid, his uncle’s?

“The resistance hand out birth control like candy, do they?  I’d think they’d need more soldiers.”  He’s trying to make light of it, but I hear the chill in his voice. 

I grit my teeth, because my head hurts slightly from closing myself off from him so quickly.  “I’m sorry, Ben.  I just couldn’t…” 

“Don’t worry.  I didn’t bring you here to steal your secrets.” 

“Why did you bring me here?” I have to ask.  He’s not really said it out loud. 

“You’ve seen inside my mind.  There’s nothing I’m hiding,” he offers gently.  But I feel like he’s lying.  Although I want to know, if I try to look inside his head right now, I might reveal more than I want to in return.  “I brought you here to have you.  I want you in every way, and I haven’t got a fraction of what I want from you yet.”  He kisses me gently, as if to prove his point.

“You want to teach me,” I begin to name the things he wants from me.

“I want you to be my apprentice,” he agrees.

“I thought it was padawan?”

“Umm..” he utters, and I feel his shoulders shrug.

“Are master and padawan supposed to do what we just did?”  I wiggle my hips again, trying to lighten the mood, but the mood is too somber, so much so that the sky outside seems to be an odd gray color I haven’t seen before.  “Is the sky supposed to be that color?”

“Sometimes if it storms,” he answers. 

“Can we play outside in the rain?” I ask excitedly, and sit up to look out the large doors toward the sea.  “Oh, Maker!  Ben!”

“What?” he mumbles, and rolls over.

The doors have cracked.  The mirror on the wall over the chest is shattered.  A glass that was sitting on the table by the bed looks like it’s been crushed.

“Ben, what have I done?”

He groans loudly, and rolls over onto his back with his hands covering his eyes.  “You need a teacher.  We can’t put it off any longer.”  He reaches for the data pad on the table, and the screen on it is cracked as well.  “Data pad, call for maintenance droids.”

“Yes, Master Ren,” the voice of the pad answers. 

“Must I call you _Master_ if I become your apprentice?” I tease.  In the gray ambient light, his skin appears darker somehow.  His hair looks glossier, if that’s even possible.  I reach out to touch it, and he turns toward me.  His beautiful face is much too sensitive, too open, to be the fearsome Jedi Killer. 

“Not if, sweetheart.  You have already accepted me as your master.  You must call me Master when we train, and in public.”  His face becomes a little more studious as he speaks of serious things.  And the light from outside is reflecting in his eyes, giving them silver glints and making them seem almost eerie.

“And should we have sex?” I ask again. 

“The Jedi cannot form attachments.  We are not Jedi.” 

“Do you wear your mask to hide your beauty?”  He scoffs, loudly, and turns away from me.  “I had thought you wore it to appear intimidating.  But truly, if I looked across the battle field, and saw this handsome, gentle looking soul on the other side, I’d think it was a joke.  Perhaps you shouldn’t wear your mask, so that your enemies would underestimate you in the future.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” he resists. 

I laugh.  “Sure, whatever.”

“My nose is huge,” he states.  “My ears are even bigger.  And ugh, all of these spots.”  He complains of those things, but his finger lingers on his right cheek, over the scar.

My eyes sweep over his beautiful face, over his perfect, huge body.  He’s so impossibly tall, and built, and strong.  “Everything about you is perfect.”  My hand sneaks out to his hip.  I don’t mean to sweep against the scar from the bowcaster, it just happens. 

But he flinches, and rolls off the bed.  I hear the droids entering the house, at the same time I hear glass crunch under his feet.  “Are you okay?” I ask, as I move toward the edge of his bed. 

“Yes, I’m fine,” he says.  But I look on the carpet and see a spattering of blood.  Then I look at his rear, and see the exit wound from the Chewie’s shot, along with older scars that seem to criss cross his massive back.  Perhaps the angle of the sun when he stood in front of the door disguised the scars earlier.  Or maybe I was too dazzled by his beauty to notice his flaws.

“Ben, you’re bleeding,” I point out, as he heads toward the fresher.

“The droids will clean it out of the carpet.”  At that moment he closes the door behind him.  I hear water come on in there, and I hear it sloshing around like it did when I was in the tub full of water.  I pull the sheet over my nudity when the droids enter the room.  When I see that one of them has swept up the carpet, I wrap myself up in the sheet, and knock on the door.

“Come in,” he calls out, and opens the door.  He’s neck deep in the tub.  “I’m a warrior Rey, and warriors get scars.  For all that the Jedi pronounces they are peaceful, they sure do know how to fight.”  He inches a little deeper into the water.  “We’re all really just weapons, tools hewn and forged to kill for whoever our masters tell us to.”

I sit down on the floor beside the tub, and continue to stare at him.  “If you feel that way, why train me at all?  So I can be Snoke’s weapon?”

He gives me a sinister laugh.  The awkward attempts to lighten the mood have gone up in smoke.  Then he looks at me, and his eyes seem somehow lighter and more threatening.  “We will have no master, Rey.  No one will be able to defeat us when we are together.”

So is that why he needs me?  So we can rule the galaxy?  Is this more about his grandfather’s mission?

“If my grandfather had you, there would be no Resistance.  There would only be order.”  So he can read my mind even when the bond _isn’t_ open between us?  Good to know.  “Come into the tub with me, apprentice.  My seed is drying on your skin.”

I stand and drop the sheet, and he reaches out his hand to steady me as I step into the tub.  On Jakku, this might have been my water supply for the month, and we are lounging in it.  It boggles my mind.

He spreads his legs, and I sit between them.  He pulls me until my back is against his chest.  He strokes my skin, and my hair.  After a few moments, he asks, “Are you finally happy, Rey?”

He can read my mind, so I go ahead and say what I’m thinking.  “I’m terrified, Ben.”

He gives me another ominous laugh, and counters, “Nothing terrifies me more than you, sweetheart.  And nothing will ever scare me when you are by my side.”

“I’m afraid this won’t end well.”  My voice cracks.  I can’t mask my emotions, or my thoughts. 

His voice, though, is happy and clear.  “You’re wrong, Rey.  You and I will never end.”

And somehow, that is supposed to be reassuring?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like emo Kylo finally got some, with the kriffin' girl of his dreams no less... and of course he STILL can't be happy!  
> Because, SKYWALKER, amirite?  
> Those Skywalker boys, such drama queens!


	17. Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been a while. I've been in the middle of a dream vacation, and finally got some time to breathe and decompress. The inspiration for this chapter is the torture scene from the trailer. Again we're getting sexy times, but what is Ben hiding?!?!?

 

I feel the electricity sizzling every cell in my body, at the same exact moment I hear it crackling in the air around me.  I’ve heard the sound before, during the odd lightning storm on Jakku, but I’ve never felt anything like the pain that I’m experiencing right now.  I feel like I’m baking from the inside out, not from the outside in like I used to do on Jakku. 

I try to scream.  Why can’t I scream?   I can’t move either.  I can only feel, and I only feel agonizing, terrorizing pain.  That’s when I hear someone is already screaming.  It’s ringing in my ears and echoing in my head.  The voice is as familiar as my own, but unrecognizable in its anguish and fear.

“Staaaaaaaahhhhp!” the voice screams out.

**_Ben!_ **

Where is he?  I can’t see anything.  I feel red, deep red everywhere.  I’m surrounded by deep red and darkness. 

_Ben!  Ben, where are you?_

_Go away, Rey!_   he urges. 

_Ben, let me help you!_ I’m ready to fight whatever is hurting him… Or is it hurting us? 

_This is my punishment.  I disobeyed Snoke, and I must take it.  Please leave Rey!  You don’t have to endure this._

_I’m not leaving you._ I try to look around, but I can’t see anything.  _Ben, where are we?_

_You’re inside my head.  Get out now and save yourself!_

_No!  Open your eyes, and fight him.  You can defeat him.  We can do it together.  You don’t have to let him hurt you.  Use the Force, Ben!  Make him stop!_

_Leave me now, Rey!  Save yourself!_

_“_ Ahhhhhhh!” he cries out _._ I’m so afraid, and yet I need to destroy Snoke to make him stop hurting my Ben!

“Ben!” I scream, and my eyes pop open. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks, in a rumbly voice.  It’s dark, but I see a faint light surrounding us.  The Force howls loudly like the wind blowing over the dunes near my house.  He pulls me closer into his body, and silences the howling.  Then he presses his warm lips against my bare shoulder.  “Were you having a bad dream?”

“I dreamed I was in your head, and you were in so much pain it was unbearable.  You told me to leave you alone because you were being punished by Snoke.  It was so real, Be-“  He groans, and it vibrates against my skin.  My shoulders shiver, and it causes him to rub his hand over my hip and down my thigh.  “Kylo.”

“Yes, Rey?” he whispers in my ear. 

My back bows out, and my rear pushes against his front, and he’s hard and ready for me again.  I want the orgasm again, just because he’s touching me.  But I still feel the pain throughout my entire being as if it’s still happening. 

“Was it a dream, Kylo?”  I can’t shake the feeling that it was actually happening, that the feelings were so real they weren’t thought up by my subconscious.

“I don’t know.  It happened in _your_ head.”  His tone is suddenly very serious, not at all like the sleepy raspy sound that enveloped me earlier.  But his hands begin to roam over my skin, finding places that cause me to sigh or moan involuntarily.

“Don’t worry about your dream, sweetheart.  It doesn’t matter,” he says, right before his lips move down my back.  I reach around to try to touch him, and find I can’t move my arms.  This isn’t like the dream, I am definitely in my own body this time.  This is like earlier, when he held my legs in place so he could give me the orgasm. 

“Do whatever you want to me Kylo, just make sure you make me come where you’re taking me.”

He chuckles at that.  I feel it up my spine.  Then he releases my arms, but quickly rolls me over onto my stomach.  “Kylo!” I exclaim, as his knees straddle my hips.  I feel his manhood again, on my lower back.  His hands are on my sides, then they are everywhere all at once.  His mouth is on the back of my neck, and his teeth suddenly dig in. 

“Oh!” I cry out, as my hips buck up into him.  I feel his penis on my rear, and my first instinct is to rub myself against it.  I try to reach back again, but my hands are bound together at the wrist with the Force.  “Kylo!  I need you!” 

“Yes, Rey.”  His voice can be so dark at times, like now.  It makes my skin tingle, and my nipples hard.  Just as I think it, his hands grab my breasts, and he pinches my nipples.  I turn my head to look back at him, and his dark eyes glitter ominously as he gazes down at me. 

Oh, Maker!  My entire body aches to have him inside me.  As I think it, one finger slides between my legs.  I wiggle, and move back and forth to encourage him to give me more. 

“Please, Kylo,” I mutter.  When I say that, he slides another finger in.  It’s different in this position, and so much better somehow.

I try to read his thoughts, but he’s blocked me.  He’s looking right into my eyes, while he’s inside me, and I can’t see what he’s thinking.  I haven’t been able to read him since I woke up from my horrible dream. 

“Are you ready, sweetheart?” he asks, and I can sense the detachment in his voice now.  He might as well be wearing his mask with as much emotion as he’s showing me.  I am not detached.  He knows where to touch, and the right pressure to use.  He knows that I am filled with desire for him.  He knows, and still something is off.

He’s toying with me, playing my emotions like a finely tuned instrument.  He feels desire, the evidence is resting against my rear.  But what else he’s feeling is a mystery, because he’s again blocked me and won’t let me in.

Am I ready to let him take me, when the bond is closed and I don’t know what he’s thinking, but he knows each and every thought in my head?  Can I let him inside me, without knowing how he feels about me?

“I’m crazy about you, Rey.  I desire you more than I can say.  I want you, need you, ache for you.”  If his fingers touching the right spots didn’t make me spiral toward the orgasm, his voice would have me there in no time.  “Don’t doubt how I feel, just because you can’t read my mind.”

But I do!  I have doubts, and still I want him. 

“Don’t be afraid Rey.  Allow yourself to experience what is happening.  Don’t get so wrapped up in my emotions that you forget to feel your own.  Let them flow through you.  You can see my cock, you know I am aching with desire.  Feel your own lust.  Let it consume you.”

I turn away from him, burying my face in the pillow under me.  He’s right again.  I hadn’t allowed myself to just enjoy what he’s doing.  I concentrate on his fingers, on the way they’re lightly gripping my nipple, somehow making them harder.  It hurts, and stings, but in the most fascinating way.  He slides another finger inside me.  They stretch me, while also filling me, and I feel his knuckles pushing against my sensitive areas.  His long fingers touch something deep down in my core, and I begin to twitch with the overwhelming stimulation of it.

Next he engulfs me, his chest against my back, as he begins to whisper soft words of encouragement.  “Your moans are making me crazy, sweetheart.  Your need for me makes me want to bury myself in you and never leave.  Your heart beats in a different rhythm when I touch you.  Your skin gets warmer.  Tell me you want me, Rey.  Tell me you yearn for me, and you’ll die of loneliness without me.”

_Kriff!_   His voice alone is enough to make me insane.  When he says those things while touching me, my response shocks me.  I want to give him everything, if he will make me feel this way forever. 

“I am yours.  You know it.  Please give it to me.”  I’m begging for the thing that I hated earlier.  How did he do that?  How did he make me desire what I feared, what caused me pain, what rocked me to my very being?

He shoves his cock into me, and I push back into him.  His teeth find my shoulder again, and break my skin as he breaks down every one of my defenses.  Is this just another lesson? 

Just as I think it, he begins to grunt and moan, and grips my nipple tighter as his other hand reaches around to find the sensitive bud between my legs again.  I want him.  I want him to know every spot that gives me pleasure, and to touch me on every last one of them.  I want him even though he hides his desire from me.  I want…

He grates his teeth against my flesh as he moves away, to demand, “You have to come Rey, I can’t hold back any longer.”

His tongue flicks against my ear as he thrusts deep down into me, touching that spot his fingers found earlier.  I move to meet it, taking it all.  It happens.  I shatter.  I hear glass breaking all around me as everything bursts all at once.  My heart stops for one brief second, and I feel everything in the galaxy, and beyond. 

“Yes!” I yell, as it comes upon me.  And just as I feel it taking over me, he pulls away and his hot sticky seed covers my back.  He doesn’t say anything, or even moan.  Quietly he finds his orgasm too. 

“You’re mine, Rey.  Just as I am yours,” he whispers, as he pulls me over onto my side, then into his huge body again.  “No one will ever dare come between us.”

As I drift off into sleep, my last thought is that I fear the dream, and I never want to experience it again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Ben should take his own advice and just enjoy himself.  
> Nah... Never mind. Our hot dark emo prince will never be able to let go and actually feel bliss.
> 
> I hope you're enjoying my story. If you are, please leave me a note letting me know! If you're not, you can tell me that too.


	18. Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why would Ben shut himself off from Rey? To protect her of course. The same reason he does everything.

Rey is bending over at the waist, her hands on her knees, and her saber turned off.  She’s breathing heavy, and her heartbeat is elevated.  I swing my saber in front of me, then behind me, twirling it with a flourish.  Yes, I’m showing off a little.  I’ve trained nearly every day of my life since I was a child.  Even after being shot with Chewie’s bow caster, and being decimated on the battlefield by Rey, I still went back to training on the third day.  If I had not been injured when I faced her, the outcome of our fight would have been much different.  That’s obvious, by her level of exhaustion and her ignorance of the most basic positions. 

“Again!”  I growl, in the same tone I would take with the Knights of Ren while training them. 

“Kylo, I…” she starts.

I immediately interrupt her.  “What did you call me, Apprentice?”

“I’m sorry, Master.  I need a drink of water,” she pleads.

“I wouldn’t think a girl who grew up on a desert planet would be so easily dehydrated.”  I throw my metal water container to her, and growl, “You have two minutes.”

I made sure the resort was equipped to handle any injuries we might sustain during training before I booked our lodging.  A doctor and two medical droids are on staff, and I brought enough bacta for at least three tanks, to help heal either of us until we can make it back to civilization.  I had expected that Skywalker would have taught Rey at least some basics with the light saber.

She drinks the water greedily, then splashes the remainder on her pretty face.  She’s dripping with sweat, and her cheeks are pink.  I know it’s not from the sun, because I made sure she put on the balm before we began training on the beach in front of the house. 

I feel my resolve weakening.  I want to ease up on her, and let her rest for a moment.  But I know Snoke won’t let up, and the Imperial Guard won’t be easy on her because she’s a woman.  I have to make her stronger, tougher than she’s ever been.

“Again,” I snap, and pull the bottle out of her hand with the force. 

She huffs, and stands up.  “I’m hungry,” she announces. 

We did not have breakfast, because I didn’t want her to get sick, and we’ve been training for probably three hours.

“Again, Rey,” I snarl. 

She glances at me with eyes that look sadder than I can imagine.  “Kylo, can we…”

“We can train, and that’s what we’re going to do.  You know that Snoke has threatened both of us.”  She doesn’t seem too concerned.  She thinks she can’t be defeated, that no one can hurt her.  She’s cocky, and confident.  Too confident.  She doesn’t know what her enemy is capable of. 

I begin to flood her mind with images of the Knights of Ren during the last battle we fought against a planet that rebelled against the First Order.  None of the rebels were left alive when we were finished.  The Imperial Guard training against battle droids are the next memories I share with her.  Even _I_ was a little afraid watching that session.  I think that’s why Snoke made sure I witnessed it. 

Finally, I show her what the Supreme Leader is capable of.  When she woke up in the middle of the night last night, she wasn’t having a dream, she was inside one of my worst nightmares.  The sheer torture she witnessed last night was the Force Power that Snoke enjoys punishing me with.  Force Lightning.  Snoke will not teach me the technique, of course.  And although I’ve tried to master it several times, I haven’t been able to even create lightning. 

Every time he does it to me, he increases the intensity.  The dream she experienced last night was not nearly as painful and extreme as it is in real life.  The last time he did it, two days after Starkiller Base, I blacked out.  The next day I woke up and immediately started training again.  I need to be stronger to protect her, and I need her to be able to protect herself. 

“You lied to me,” she mutters.  She’s angry again.  Her eyes have darkened, and the Force crackles around her.  Since the bond is open, it sounds like a hyperdrive firing up on the beach near us.

“I did it to protect you!  I closed the bond last night so you wouldn’t have to feel that again.  I didn’t want to motivate you that way, but you left me no choice.”

She clasps her hands into fists, and I hear thunder in the distance.  I stare at her in awe, trying to grasp exactly what is happening around me.  The sky is not cloudy at all, but thunder is rumbling around us. 

“Focus Rey!  Control your power, don’t let your power control you!”  I’m trying to think of all the cliché quotes Skywalker used to spout out to his trainees, but I’m having a hard time thinking of anything but helping Rey.  “Rey, feel the Force around you.  What do you feel?”

As I say it, lightning strikes behind her, and seems to penetrate the sand.  It doesn’t flash.  It hangs there, burning the sky and the beach, and lighting Rey in an odd red light.  _Kriff!_   Force Lightning is a dark power, and nearly impossible to master, and Rey sees it happen, experiences it, and then does it.

I understand now why Skywalker was afraid of her.  She is so beyond anything I can fathom.  The lightning is still there, and the beach is turning black all around her. 

**_Rey, turn around and look at what you’re doing._**  

I try to stay calm, but it’s almost impossible.  Who would have ever thought that I’d be the one to try to calm someone down? 

“Ben,” she sighs, before she falls.  I am not close enough to catch her in my arms, but I stop her from hitting the ground with the Force. 

“Rey.”  I grab her up again, and carry her to her room.  This is becoming a regular occurrence. 

She obviously needs a teacher, and I’m not sure I am the right person for the job.  Now I almost understand why my parents sent me to Skywalker.  My mother is Force sensitive, and she couldn’t deal with me.  If I knew where my uncle was hiding, I might try to contact him.  Or, I could try to contact Leia.

I tuck Rey into her bed, sit in the chair beside her, and begin to meditate.  I’m trying to find the one Force signal that I’ll never forget, the one that made sure I was never lost, no matter how hard I tried to hide from her sometimes.

**_Mother!_ **

 

*****

 

Four hours later, we’re sitting on the beach, next to the sand sculpture she created with her Force Lightning.  It’s nearly as tall as she is, and has as many branches as a tree.  After I pulled it out of the sand and levitated it with the Force, we gathered some driftwood, and sat it in a pile between us. 

“You’ve been fed, you have water.  Are you comfortable?”  I ask.

“Yes, but it’s a little cool out here.”  She shivers at that exact moment.  The evenings on Corellia are cooler as the sun goes down.  And I’m sure she’s not used to a more moderate climate even after several days here.

“Then light the fire,” I suggest.

I see her open her mouth, and know she’s going to ask how.  Then I see the realization dawn in her eyes.  “With the Force?”

I nod, and take a sip from my own metal drink holder, which contains warm caff.  I think we’re going to be awake for a while.

She stares at the wood for several moments, then she squints her eyes as if she’s concentrating really hard.  Nothing happens.  She sighs loudly, and asks, “Can you show me how to do it?”

“No.”  She is about to argue, when I remind her, “You used a Jedi mind trick on one of my storm troopers, and you hadn’t seen it done.”

“But somehow I knew.  I was inside your mind, and I knew I could do it.”  She looks confused again.  Then she closes her eyes like she did during our saber fight. 

Before she sets the whole planet on fire, I remind her, “Only the logs, unless you want to test the expertise of the medical staff.”

Her eyes pop open, as if the thought that she could injure me suddenly dawns on her.  “Ben, I can’t!”

“Concentrate your power, and light the fire.”  If she can’t physically defend herself, maybe she can use the Force to do it. 

She bites her bottom lip, and it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, not that I’ve spent a lot of time concentrating on what’s sexy. 

“This is why you turned to Snoke!  You needed his training, so you could defeat him!” she exclaims.

I catch her gaze, and hold it.  In all seriousness, I answer her.  “Yes.”  I don’t look away, I watch the emotions play across her face.  “He promised to show me Force Lightning if I killed my father, but he decided to punish me instead because you defeated me.”  I feel the ground around us shake.  “I didn’t have the luxury of allowing my powers to randomly manifest on a starship.  I took my anger out in other ways.  Perhaps you need to practice the Force on my shuttle.”

The ground continues to shake, and I’m genuinely starting to fear she might cause an earthquake.  “Your power is impressive, but if you could control it, you would be unstoppable.”

It suddenly stops.  Then, before I can blink the wood in front of me bursts into flame.  “Is that what you wanted?  Do you have any more tests for me?” she asks in her haughty tone.

“We haven’t even begun, sweetheart.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this helps explain what happened last night. Maybe she'll begin to trust him... eventually.


	19. Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their time on the idyllic seaside is coming to an end.

I am jolted awake, and my first thought is Rey.  For a moment I can’t breathe.  Something is wrong with Rey.  She’s gone.  Rey is gone.

“What’s wrong, Kylo?”  I hear her sweet, sleepy voice from from the pillow beside mine.  Her hand slides over to my side of the bed, and she begins to lightly run her fingers through my hair.  Then she gently rubs over my arm before landing on my hand.  She twines our fingers together and squeezes, before she kisses my bare shoulder.  Every small, loving movement reassures me that she is here, that she is mine. 

Does she love me?  Is she ready to give herself to me, mind body and soul?

I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep, knowing she is here beside me.  I know that our greatest test is ahead of us, but as long as she’s with me we will be victorious.  No one will…

**_Ren!  You have had seven rotations.  Will the Scavenger fight with you, or will she be our enemy?_ **

Snoke.  That must be what woke me. 

_She will fight with me, Supreme Leader._

**_You mean with us!_**   Snoke is obviously impatient.  His plan is to attack the resistance from every side, once they are located.  He wants me to find and fight Skywalker.  Snoke wants Rey to join the offensive against the Resistance base, capture General Organa, and bring her back to Snoke.  He wants me to kill both Skywalker and my mother in front of him.

_Yes, Supreme Leader, she will fight with us._

**_The next phase of our plan begins now.  Bring her to me._ **

I wait until I sense he is gone.  I have tried to keep him out while I am awake, but it is almost impossible to block him when I am asleep.  “Rey,” I say as I roll over to face her.  I don’t want to break the physical contact, so I wrap her up in my arms and pull her toward me.

“Kylo, are you having bad dreams?”  She flips on the light without moving.  Her use of her powers has improved more than I could have imagined.  We spent an entire day watching holovids of Jedi training, and every Force power she saw she recreated.  She even harnessed Force lightning and shot it at drift wood, but when I asked her to shoot it at me, even goaded her, she refused.  I believe she can do it if she needs to.

“He was here,” I tell her.  There is no reason to hide anything from her now.

Her sweet hazel eyes show her concern.  She reaches out to caress my cheek, her finger pausing only for a moment on the scar.  “What can I do?” she asks, immediately ready to go to battle.

“We need to leave here.  Now.”  The words come out of my mouth, but I’m not ready to leave, especially when she’s lying beside me, warm and naked and wanting to comfort me.

“Where are we going?  How far can we go to escape him?”  She’s not moving very fast either. 

My fingers find her glorious hair, pushing it off her face so I can gaze at her beauty.  This may be the last chance we get to just be together for a while.  “I don’t think we’ll be able to escape him.  We just need to get ahead of him and form a plan.” 

“Do you know how this ends?”  She hasn’t asked this question until now.  She knows I have the power to see the future, but she hasn’t wanted to discuss it.  She’s been happy to be with me, to be my apprentice, without worrying about the future.  Now, though, our time alone is coming to an end.  The future has arrived. 

“Rey, I love you.  No matter how our story ends, I want you to know that.  My love is yours.  My life is yours.  I am yours, Rey.”  I lean forward and kiss her, with all of the passion and emotion I’m feeling.  My hands roam over her body, not to entice her but to remember her.  I want to burn into my memory the feel of her skin, the shape of her body. 

Rey pulls away from the kiss, and rests her forehead against mine.  “I love you too.  You’re not Ben Solo or Kylo Ren.  I am not an orphan.  You are mine, and I am yours.  No matter what the future brings I will be yours.”

She is as ready for the future as I can make her.  Her power is unequaled.  Her use of the light saber could be better, but she’ll be ready when the time comes for her to fight. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Training is over. The battle is about to begin.


	20. Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After much thought, I decided to continue this story. It will not follow the story line of TLJ, although there might be some influence here and there.  
> I wanted to start the New Year off right, and what better way than to write fanfic.  
> Cheers to 2018! Long live Reylo!

**Rey**

 

“You really bought the house on the beach?”

“Yes, Rey.  The house is ours,” he replies, very calmly.  He turns toward me, even with all the g-force pushing against us, and grins reassuringly.  “It will be there waiting for us, when we make it through all of this.”

I’m still trying to get used to the speed of his shuttle, and I can’t control the grimace that covers my face.

“Where are we going?  You can tell me now, can’t you?” I demand, as my eyes return to the front of the ship.  I watch as the lights flash by us as we fly at what must be faster than light speed toward our mysterious destination.

“We’re almost there,” he replies.  He’s still wearing the casual-style clothing I’ve grown used to. 

I’m wearing one of the new outfits that arrived as we packed.  It’s a pair of calf-length pants like the ones I wore on Jakku, and a loose fitting long sleeve shirt.  He made sure we had plenty of the fruity smelling skin balm to top it off.  I have an entire duffle bag full of pants, shirts, and undergarments.  It’s a nice feeling to have possessions, to have things that are mine that I can carry with me. 

And as I’m thinking about the bag that’s safely tucked away in a drawer in his small private quarters on the shuttle, he pulls on the yoke and our destination is finally visible.  I’m stunned when I see where we’ve arrived.

“Jakku?” I exclaim loudly.  “Why are we back at Jakku?”

“Do you remember how to land?” he asks, almost as if he’s avoiding the question.

“Yes, of course.”  I begin the landing sequence, but I don’t let the task distract me.  “Tell me why you’ve decided to come to Jakku.”

“You have unfinished business here, Rey.  We can’t move toward the future together while there’s still so much of the past you’re holding on to.”  His voice is smooth, softer than usual and yet also determined.

I’m trying to focus on the task at hand, to block out memories that are threatening to overwhelm me.  A little girl screaming as a big blob of a man grabs her arm, forcefully pulling her toward his tent.  Then, as soon as they arrive, he hands her a broom and growls, “Sweep the floor, girl.”  She’s so little, and there is so much junk lying around, and when he sees her sweeping around it he yells.  “You’re small, make sure to get every cobweb.”  He thrusts her toward a pile of stuff, and she falls and scrapes her knee and her elbow.  “Quit crying, girl.  You’re mine now.  No one will save you.”

“That little girl, the one who cried as she cleaned up Unkar Plutt’s junk pile, that was you, Rey.”  His voice is deeper, darker than ever before.  “He beat you, and starved you most of your life.  You need to face him.”

I glance over at him as we pass through the atmosphere, avoiding the scene of the ugly brown surface of the planet.  His eyes are shining bright like polished metal, but his expression is serene. 

Unlike him, I can’t hide what I’m feeling behind a calm demeanor, so I admit it out loud.  “I’d rather face Snoke and every one of his guards than return here.  You should have warned me.” 

I turn away from him, and try to hold back the bile that is forming in the back of my throat.  The more recent memories of myself telling Finn I had to get back to Jakku seep in.  I was finally free, why did I want to come back so badly? 

I guess because this was all I knew, all I had.  This desert planet was my whole world, and I didn’t dare to dream of leaving it.  “Kylo, I…” I begin.

But he interrupts me.  “Don’t.  Don’t try to fight it.  This has to happen, and then you’ll finally be free.”

I nod, and pilot his gorgeous ship to land about a klick from Niima Outpost.  I don’t want to announce to the scavengers that we’re here. 

“The _Silencer_ will be safe and secure, don’t worry,” he states, as he removes his headphones and unbuckles his seat belt.

I remain where I am, fear holding me in my seat.

_You are the strongest being I know, Rey.  There is nothing in the galaxy that should scare you._

I look up at him, and one of his big hands is extended to me.  His full lips are a firm line, set with determination.  I nod, quickly release the buckle and stand.  I take his hand, and he takes a step so that his huge body is against mine.  He kisses the top of my head, and I feel a warmth come over me. 

 

*****

 

“Rey!  Where’s my ship!” Unkar bellows when he sees me standing in line behind the other scavengers.  He slams his window closes, and I hear things falling inside his tent.  Probably some poor little child will have to pick it all up and stack it. 

The other scavengers turn to make rude comments at me for interrupting the flow of normal business.  The exchange of junk for food is the only way some of them eat, and I can almost hear their grumbling stomachs.  A pang of hunger hits me, even though I ate a huge breakfast of meat, eggs, and fruit less than three hours ago.  It must be the smell of the sand, and the feeling of desperation that comes with standing in this dismal line.

My bottom lip quivers when I see Unkar exit the tent.  “My ship, girl!  Where is it?”

I’m scared.  I’m that scared little girl again, the one who cried herself to sleep on the floor that she swept, without a blanket or pillow. 

“Unkar, I’m sorry, I don’t…”  I hear my voice squeaking as I speak.

Until I feel Kylo’s hand on my shoulder, and a feeling of calm engulfs me.  Then he leans forward to whisper in my ear, “Let the past die.  Kill it if you have to.”

I can’t murder him in cold blood.  Even though he beat me, and cheated and starved me and everyone else, I can’t kill him.

“Do it,” Kylo encourages, his tone almost empty of emotion.

I clear my throat, and before I realize it Unkar is right in front of me, and his fist is raised as if to backhand me again.  “Stupid girl!  You think you can steal from Unkar?”

His hand stops in mid air, right before the blow lands on my cheek.

“Hey!  What’re you doing?” Unkar bellows. 

I take a deep breath, look right into his beady dark eyes, and exclaim, “You will no longer cheat and starve the people of Niima Outpost!”

“You’ve gone mad, girl!” he yells, and tries to lunge toward me.  His body is motionless, frozen the same way mine was on Takodana.  But instead of Kylo doing it, this time it’s me. 

“Mind tricks don’t work on everyone.  You know what you have to do.” 

My emotions are running wild, fear and adrenaline are spiking inside me.  Kylo’s calm voice encouraging me to kill Unkar isn’t helping.

My heart is racing, and my thoughts are erratic.  It would be so easy.  No one would miss him.  No one would care.  Everyone hates him.  He’s the worst, most vile thing on the planet.  And I still can’t take his life.

“There’s got to be another way.  There’s got to be some other punishment for his crimes.”  I say it, but I know there won’t be.  There hasn’t been anyone to stop him, and there won’t ever be.  Everyone is too afraid of him to stand up to him.  He controls the trading post, and that means he controls _everything_. 

“I should never have let you live!  I should have killed you and buried you beside your parents.  I sold them the drink that killed them, and I should have given it to you too!  You’re not worth the food that I wasted on you, girl!”

It happens so quickly I don’t even realize I’ve done it until I see the blue glow and hear the hum of the saber.  Unkar’s small eyes get as wide as they possibly can, and then they’re suddenly empty.  Kylo’s hand covers mine on the saber, pushes the button, and the laser vanishes.  Then he shoves Unkar backward, before his hulking frame can fall forward onto me.

I stare at his dead body for several moments, lying in front of the tent where he handed out not only food, but the drink that intoxicated and led to the deaths of many of the villagers.  

“He killed my parents,” I gasp.  I’d blocked it out for so long.  I’d convinced myself that they were coming back so thoroughly that I _had to_ stay here to wait for them.  And as Maz so bluntly reminded me, I knew they were never coming back.

Suddenly I can’t breathe, like I can’t get any air into my lungs.  I feel like I’m trapped in the airlock of a spaceship, and there’s no oxygen. 

“Calm your emotions, Rey.  You don’t want anything to happen to the villagers.”  He says it so smoothly, as if he didn’t order the murder of villagers on this very planet!  How can he tell me to calm down, when I just took a life!  How dare he?

I feel the ground shaking around me.  I hear electricity sizzle.  I finally focus, and see that the body of Unkar Plutt is being incinerated by red bolts of lightning that I am creating.

I clench my fists and try to stop it.  I know that the tent behind him contains enough portions to feed the village many times over, and he gets shipments of the freeze dried food stuff once a week.  It would be selfish of me to set it on fire.  But I also can’t allow panic to ensue, because people will fight over the food.

I look around, seeing the terror on the face off the villagers.  They’ve probably never seen a light saber before, but I’m sure word of the dark prince of the First Order with his laser sword who had an entire village slaughtered has spread across the planet.  My eyes light on the old woman who used to sit at the table with me, cleaning parts the other scavengers would bring into the village. 

“You!  You will take over for Unkar Plutt,” I call out to her.  For some reason she doesn’t look surprised by my declaration.  “If anyone tries to overthrow her, or cheat her, I will find out!”  I push the button on the saber again, and it hums to life.  “And I will come back!  I am Rey of Jakku, and I will not allow injustice to continue in my village, or on my planet!”

The villagers quickly return to the orderly single file line, avoiding the pile of ash that was once Unkar. 

 

*****

 

I feel almost embarrassed as I watch him looking around what was once my home.  Silently his fingers trail over the marks I etched into the metal wall, one for each day I waited for parents who were never coming back.  He smiles when he picks up the doll dressed in orange rags, which I made to resemble a Resistance pilot.

Then he sees the old data pad sitting on the shelf above the doll, which I kept operational through hours of tinkering and sheer will, and when he touches the screen it surprisingly comes to life. 

_“Today’s news live from Coruscant, in a sweeping victory for the Republic, Senator Palpatine has taken temporary control of the senate.  Voting in the chamber was loud and raucous as the senior senator from Naboo was excitedly chosen Chancellor of the Republic.”_

He turns to me, and our eyes meet and hold.  I see the realization in his gaze, the exact moment he understands that this is why I have the same posh accent of Obi Wan Kenobi. 

“I wanted to believe so badly that my parents were coming back for me, I made it my reality.  I don’t even know how it happened now.  I guess in order to escape the horrors of my life, I lied to myself until I actually believed it.” 

I sit on the hard mattress where I slept for years.  Unkar allowed me to move into the at-at when I began to menstruate, because he said the smell of it made him nauseous.  He reminded me daily that I was still his property, at first, but it wasn’t long before he found a replacement for me, a young male teedo, and I was allowed a bit of independence. 

Kylo joins me on my small bed, and wraps me up in his arms.  All those long, lonely nights I spent in this place, I never imagined that someone like Kylo Ren would come into my life, and somehow complete me in a way I never thought possible.

He gently kisses the top of my head, as he murmurs, “I love you, Rey.  You are not an orphan from Jakku.  You are so much more than that.  You are mine.  Just as I am now, and always will be yours.” 

I snuggle against him, and let his confidence fill me.  We can be together.  We will make our futures whatever we want them to be.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I started this fanfic as a way to combat writer's block. Not sure if I should continue it. It's a different take on the Reylo force bond in that Rey is chasing Ben.  
> Please tell me what you think.


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